Man won't agree to wife's 'weird SAHM vs. SAHD deal,' says, 'it's totally unfair.'
When this man is upset about his wife's proposal, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my wife that I won’t be agreeing to this SAHM SAHD deal?'
Basically this. My wife (26f) and I (32m)are expecting our first child in June. My wife is an orthodontist, and I work in tech. Both of us earn pretty decent and contribute equally to the household.
My wife has been debating whether she should take a break from her career for 2-3 years to focus on our baby.
She’s leaning more towards becoming a SAHM. I obviously would support whatever she decides, if she wants to be a SAHM for a while, that’s good and if she decides she wants to continue with her career, we have enough resources to hire a full time babysitter.
We’ve had many discussions over it and it always ends up with her wanting to be a SAHM.
Yesterday she told me that she came up with this idea. She’ll be the SAHM for the first two years and after that, I quit my job and become a stay at home dad for a while.
I told her that if she wants to be a SAHM, that’s her choice and I would help her with the baby in every way possible, but I don’t think I’d like to quit my job. I suggested that we could just hire a full time baby sitter whenever she feels like she’s ready to go back to working.
My wife thought I was being mean and unreasonable and selfish, and putting my career over my family and stormed off. I did try apologising for arguing because I don’t wanna make her so upset during this phase of the pregnancy, but she’s refusing to even talk to me.
She’s told about this to her parents and I’ve been getting texts from them saying that I’m not treating their daughter right. AITA?
Let's find out.
manufactureafraid88 writes:
NTA. That’s a delusional expectation for her to have. No one wants gap years in their resume without careful consideration, especially in the tech industry where everything is very fast paced.
sergeantfalty writes:
NTA. You are supporting HER choice. She should support YOUR choice.
If there were financial issues with taking care of the child things could get more complicated, but as stated, that doesn’t seem to be an issue here.
nutzori writes:
I feel like there's a tinge of FOMO or something here. Like, she wants to be a SAHM, but at the same time she feels bad about her husband advancing his career while she doesn't.
So she wants to 'even it out' by having him also sacrifice years off his career. NTA, it's up to them both to decide and if he doesn't want to, then he shouldnt be expected to when they have the resources to hire help.