Husband won't let SAHM have two days a week off; says 'that's not our parenting plan.'
When this man is upset with his wife, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for getting upset because my wife wants 2 days off a week?'
I’m very frustrated as I write this. I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. We are both 33 years old and have two wonderful children (both very young). We are both professionals in our community and earn good wages but, like many people, money is often tighter than I would like.
When we had our first child, my wife decided to take a part time job at her workplace. We had extensive conversations but agreed that the 2 days off a week would be beneficial for getting things done we otherwise would struggle with (we both work 8am-4pm).
With both of our children, she has taken 18 month maternity leaves and we are nearing the end of her last leave. As such, money is especially tight and some things have fallen off (like household tasks) because having two kids is a bit of a lifestyle change.
We both agree that it would be great for her to return to work part time but got in an argument today. Today she told me that she volunteered for the PTA starting in January (when she returns to work) so she can go into my son’s school on her off days.
This was a bit triggering for me because I feel that the days off are for her completing the tasks that we often don’t have time for. I told her that much and I feel that I was very polite in what I said.
I did reference household chores like laundry, dishes, vacuuming and whatnot. It was not to be misogynistic but our family does happen to follow the stereotypical archaic family structure where we have a partially stay at home mom and me working full time (plus overtime occasionally).
The climax of this argument was my wife getting irate and telling me that I couldn’t tell her what she could do on her days off. I reminded her that these were not days off but rather an agreement where she works part time but gets our family tasks done.
She feels that I’m being overbearing and she doesn’t want to sign up for that but she doesn’t want to return to work full time either.
I’m not trying to be rude or ignorant but I’m frustrated. I feel that if she wants to volunteer at my son’s school and make a commitment, she should be taking extra shifts and making more money for the family. Also, if she is going to stay part time, she needs to accept that family responsibility comes first.
Am I being an a**hole? I feel like she is being selfish by wanting full control over her days off while not working full time. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong here and I’m struggling to understand her perspective.
Let's find out.
lowengineering87 writes:
YTA. Kids don't raise themselves. Your wife is getting involved with their schooling and the parenting community. That doesn't exactly sound like a fun hobby or day out. She's not having bottomless mimosas during this time. This is work.
You absolutely do not get to tell her what to do with her time off. I suggest you hire a cleaner (that you both pay for)
kirstumstance writes:
YTA, simply because you described her conversation as 'a bit triggering for you.' Triggering refers to someone reliving a severe psychological trauma as if it's happening all over again because of an unrelated stimulus. It doesn't mean 'I'm a bit pissed off because my wife made a decision I don't like.'
And also YTA because family tasks are family tasks, not wife tasks, and volunteering at the school is work, not leisure, and it's good for your children's development. You could have done a load of dishes in the time it took you to post this.
dcm510 writes:
YTA. You don’t assign tasks to your wife on her days off. That’s not how the world works. You’re a team but you are very much not acting like one.
If she thinks that volunteering for PTA is a benefit to the family, that’s completely valid. You’re acting like it’s something she chose to do for herself. It’s for your family.
Those are days off. She does have control over what to do with them. You certainly don’t have control over her days off. But as a couple, you work together to determine what’s best for the family.