Man tells sister 'you're raising your son to be a misogynist.'
When this brother is concerned, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my sister that she is raising a little misogynist?'
My sister (29f) has a child named Lucas (13m). I (26 m) also have a son, Sam, who is 9 years old.
A bit of context: I was raised in a misoginistic way.
\My parents believe that since I was a man, the world revolved around me. I was not taught how to take care of myself and I grew up with the idea that women exist to serve me, in addition to a lot of toxic masculinity.
When I reached adulthood, I forced myself to unlearn much of what my parents taught me, as I realized how horrible their teachings were.
I am still in contact with them, but they are prohibited from exercising any form of authority over my son or questioning my parenting choices.
My sister is raising Lucas the same way I was. The child is literally forbidden to do any type of task that my sister considers 'feminine': cleaning, cooking, picking up after himself, etc.
It was recently my aunt's birthday, so the family got together to celebrate. Of course, I brought Sam. Sam is a very kind child, very affectionate and shy. He also loves to cook, bake. etc., and I let him help me.
Of course, with all the precautions. We brought carlota de limón to the party and my son proudly announced that he helped prepare it.
Two hours after we arrived, I see that Sam is crying. When I managed to calm him down, he says that Lucas made fun of him for helping prepare the carlota, and told him that 'boys who act like girls are losers.'
Of course, maybe for a grown man that's a lame insult, but Sam was very upset about it (not for being compared to a girl, but for being called a loser.)
I confronted my sister about what happened, and she excused herself by saying that Lucas was only playing and that he had no intention of hurting Sam.
She also had the nerve to say that Sam's crying was my fault, as I was raising him to 'be a boy, not a man.' Then I told her that she is raising a little misogynist and setting Lucas up for failure in the future. After that Sam and I left the party. Lucas didn't hear any of this.
My family did hear the argument, and now they are all mad at me for calling Lucas a misogynist, because 'he's just a kid,' and they demand that I apologize to him and my sister.
I don't want to, but my boyfriend says I should apologize for lashing out at my sister and calling a child a misogynist. AITA?
Let's find out.
mssconesygig writes:
Hijacking to agree and say NTA, it’s not play, and he’s not “just a kid.” I hate hate hate the idea that teen boys can get away with misogyny because they’re “just kids” and are “still learning” or will “grow out of it.”
That doesn’t mean they don’t cause REAL HARM to people like Sam and to other people.
I still have trauma that deeply affects me from misogyny directed at me (22F) when I was a young teenager from boys who were never held accountable and have since “grown out of it.” They get to grow out of it, we are left with the pain of it.
nojellyfish1208 writes:
NTA. She is not going to do Lucas any favour by raising him like that. In fact, she is crippling him in a way. Any adult (gender doesn't matter) should be able to cook, clean up and take care of other household duties.
frowawyduties writes:
NTA. I second this OP. I applaud you for making a conscious effort to unlearn the misogynistic behaviour you were taught and I applaud you even more for ensuring that those behaviours are not passed on to your children.
So often you see a repeating cycle of parents raising their children with all the bad behaviours and issues they were raised with. Exactly what's happening with your sister.
You're right, she IS raising a little misogynist. Unfortunately for him, society has deemed that behaviour a thing of the past, and if she's not careful, she's setting him up for failure unless he can follow in your example.