Woman 'steals' sister's baby, wonders if she made a mistake.
When this woman wonders if she took things too far, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for 'stealing' my sisters baby?'
My (F29) little sister (F21 we'll call her Jane) has a 14-month baby girl (we'll call her Sara) whom I have had custody of since late June of 2022. Jane was divorcing her husband, jobless, and homeless.
I offered to take temporary guardianship of Sara so she would be safe and cared for while Jane got her life together.
At first, she turned me down. However, after Sara was dropped off to our moms house in dirty clothes and an old diaper by a stranger, while she was supposed to be under the care of her father, Jane agreed to give her to me and my wife.
Now we made clear that it would be temporary and that Jane would still have full access and could get Sara back whenever she felt ready. However, during the last 6 months, Jane has completely disappeared from Sara's life.
She doesn't ask about her, she doesn't make any effort to visit her. She doesn't ask us to bring her to visit. She has gotten a job and a(n unsafe) place to stay, yet hasn't offered to take any financial responsibility, not even in the form of buying her gifts. She doesn't call to talk to her or see her.
I spoke to Jane recently about all this, and her defense is that it's too emotionally hurtful to see Sara because of how much it hurts and how much she misses her. Her other excuse is that she doesn't have a car or enough money to buy Uber's or diapers. I told her how absolutely ridiculous all that is.
You don't need a car or money to call or text. We have always made clear we'd be willing to bring Sara to her, and she spends a wasteful amount of money on food and vapes. Even after speaking to her about the things she should or could be doing, she still has made no changes.
Because of this, my wife and I have decided to look into our legal options for adoption. Sara has legally been abandoned, and we only need to keep her a little longer before the courts would allow termination of Jane and her husbands rights (husband is even more MIA than Jane is).
Jane is livid about this and is threatening all kinds of things (but has done nothing). Important information; after I offered origonally and before we actually got physical custody of Sara, my wife and I attempted IVF and failed. We hadn't told anyone about this, even family.
However, I told Jane about this on day one just so that there would be full honesty and so that none of this would seem sneaky if it were to come out later.
Jane is bringing this up in a very hurtful way during all this saying that I am trying to steal her baby since we can't have one of our own (we have one adopted son already).
This is very far from the truth, we are genuinly worried about the safety and well being of Sara if she were to go back to Jane, and the fact that Jane has essentially ghosted her baby, we feel we have every right to pursue permanant gaurdinship and adoption. So, AITA?
Let's find out.
curioustsunim writes:
NTA - I am an adopted kid. My mom was a drug addict and knew she wouldn’t get her life together. Look, wait until she can legally sever ties and don’t bring this up again.
Keep track of every time you reach out asking for assistance or offer to take the wee baby Sara to her mother and she refuses or misses an appointment- in CA it’s 15 months to sever ties. DO NOT LEAVE HER UNSUPERVISED! Once you hit your states threshold, lawyer up and make your case.
If legally you already have temporary custody, a good portion of the battle is won. It’s better to maintain the status quo and peacefully win the war than preempt an uphill battle in family court.
Bide your time, make your case open and close, and then formally adopt your daughter. I wish you all the best!
zealousnotice98 writes:
NTA, and as a girl I think your gf sounds psychotic. To try and replace a memory of your dead father? Wtf kinda bullshit is that. You told her her food was good, delicious even, if that’s not enough she’s not the one for you.
Someone who wouldn’t rather enjoy the memory of your father together and instead wants to replace it isn’t a good person.
pmentvert6 writes:
Absolutely NTA. Fishing for compliments is weird in itself, but trying to get you to say she's better than your dad is a few levels beyond. And she kicks you out after a very fair explanation that should have ended with her saying ' Ok I understand ', she's a bit of an AH tbh.