Woman exposes mother on NYE in front of family; says, 'what you're doing is abusive.'
When this woman is upset with her mother, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for calling out my mom’s “constructive criticism” on New Year’s Eve?"
I (23F) live in the US, and I visited my mom in SE Asia (Philippines) this month after we have not seen each other in 5 years due to my studies.
I meant to visit in 2020, but the pandemic made it unfeasible. I’m also now working in my first job out of college, from which I used up all my PTO and personal holidays for this 3 week visit.
I was 240 pounds at 5’9 this August, which my mom was aware of because I told her back then; she had asked me after I texted her that I booked a flight home for December.
I currently weigh 212 pounds. It’s not amazing progress (an average of 5.6 lbs per month), but I’m proud of my weight loss so far despite needing ~30 pounds more to lose.
DURING the ride home after picking me up from the airport, she already asked me how much I weigh and her response was simply, “That’s it? Are you really going to the gym?” (I do, 3 times a week).
I was mildly upset by her response, but I let it go. That was 2 weeks ago on December 17th, and she has called me fat one way or another at least once a day like asking me on the dining table how I got so fat when I eat so little.
laughing at me and telling me that I have “really gotten fat” while I was laying in bed; reminding me three times (so far) that I need to hire a “gym coach,” despite telling her the first time around that I can’t afford one and that I’m satisfied with my progress...
and telling my aunt in front of me that I used to be handsome when I was a kid, but the “fat changed my face.”
I remained passive in response to the aforementioned comments from my mom. I didn’t want to start a fight on account that I was gonna leave soon. However, I lost my temper at lunch today.
I asked my little brother to grab the pitcher of water from the fridge, then my mom proceeded to tell him that “[he] should let [me] stand up and get it [myself] for the exercise.” I finally called out my mom in front of my two siblings that I’m “tired” of her calling me fat every day for the past two weeks.”
She asked “how” exactly she called me fat every day—see bullet points above. She insists that she was just joking and that it is constructive criticism; while I called her a “bully.”
Then, she said, “You need to fix your attitude and how you speak to me. I’m sorry if you’re offended.” I told her that she shouldn’t worry about my weight because “I will not come back to ever see you again.” I walked out on her and we have not spoken to each other in hours. AITA?
Let's find out.
annib84 writes:
NTA. Sorry your mom treats you this way. Anyone can see this isn’t constructive criticism and you don’t have to listen to her insensitive and disrespectful comments.
Some moms need to learn that being someone’s mother is not a pass to say whatever comes to their mind and disguise it as “it’s for your own good.”
This here is a prime example of how parents can induce their children to get eating disorders. Take care of yourself, OP, don’t let her derail you; you seem to be on the right path of where you want to be and you should be proud of your progress.
tango421 writes:
NTA. I’m almost twice your age and also here in the Philippines and I can tell you that is common as hell here. I don’t tolerate it though. I’m pretty low contact with some relatives so...
I’m not a medical practitioner myself but since I’m on a weight loss journey (health scare), I’m rather closely monitored and advised by professionals. I have a lot of tests late January.
So, I can tell you with confidence that 5-6lbs per month for an adult female is a healthy and more importantly sustainable weight loss.
If you have a good diet and are able to exercise 3-5 times a week with increments of at least 45mins, that is fantastic progress, so keep it up. You can say an internet stranger nearby said that. I did lose more initially but that was due to medication and you don’t want to go that route. Take care. Happy New Year!
ashmerkier writes:
NTA OP, and I'm sorry. I'm a Filipino, and there's not a day I did not hate family gatherings because of all this 'constructive criticism' bs they're pulling off when someone calls them out.
You just did it right and you stood up for yourself, but I doubt she'd change because of the so-called 'elders know better and should be respected' attitude.
Seriously, though I'm not generalizing everyone, one's weight usually is one of the most common topics, followed by marriage, having a child, etc. in these households, and it's sickening.