Man calls wife's nightly ritual where daughter rubs her feet 'degrading.' AITA?
When this mom doesn't understand where her husband is coming from, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for my nightly ritual with my daughter?"
I work a job where I have to wear heels every day and my feet kill me when I get home. I always take my shoes off and rub my feet as soon as I get home. My daughter (4) asked me why I rub my feet and I explained that they were sore after work.
She offered to rub them and she actually did a great job. Since then, we have a ritual where I come home from work and we sit on the couch and chat about the day and she rubs my feet for a bit.
Before anyone asks, I tried to rub hers too but it did NOT go well. It’s a nice ritual and I don’t tell her to do it or anything, I just come home and sit down and she starts rubbing my feet.
Her father heard about this from her and is NOT happy. He accused me of taking advantage of her innocence and treating her like a slave. He told me I need to stop this immediately or she will resent me when she’s older and “understands how Degrading it is.”
I ignored him because I don’t think there’s anything wrong! I rub her back and head all the time and I think this is her way of reciprocating. AITA for continuing to have my daughter rub my feet after work against her fathers wishes?
Let's find out.
diagnosedwolf7 writes:
NTA. It’s concerning that your daughter’s father feels that this is degrading.
I would be tempted to ask him why, exactly, he thinks that rubbing someone’s feet is degrading. Obviously being made to do this would be degrading - but being made to make someone tea would be degrading, whereas making someone a cup of tea is something that we do cheerfully whenever our friends come by.
Just because something could be twisted into a humiliation, does not mean that it automatically must be a humiliation. It’s worrying that your daughter’s father does not seem to understand this.
dragoncelica writes:
NTA. I think your daughter is adorable. You need to ask her father why this is so degrading. What are you supposed to answer when she asks why she can't do something that makes her and her mommy happy?
She's going to associate it with being wrong in some way. Like, is he really wanting to attach shame to a body part this early?
You sit and have this ritual with your daughter for as long as she still wants. It's an amazing opportunity to create a moment that carries into the future where you both connect during the day. It'll foster a safe and welcome feeling atmosphere where she can talk to you about her days once she starts school.
Making it a routine now will also make it a routine for her to be open with you as she ages. All kids face difficult moments in life, but not all of them feel they can tell their parents when it happens. It may not seem like much now, but rituals like this are how you can help create that future.
Sure, it may change over the years, and maybe your daughter will want her feet rubbed too in a couple years. Maybe it evolves into something completely different, but it's still a way to stay involved and checked in.
My mom and I would scratch each other's back or head when I was younger, and it continued for years, not that it was a daily thing. It was soothing, and it was also a good moment to just chat. Her and I continued to have very open conversations as I grew up, even through the dreaded teenage years, because that's just how it had always been.
Didn't mean to make a big deal out of something relatively small, it just got me reminiscing lol. Guess I'll have to give my mom a call later.