Mom brings 7 year old son with her to A A meetings, AITA? Ex-husband says she is.
When this mom isn't sure if she's being a bad parent, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for making my 7-year-old go to Alcoholics Anonymous?'
I (31F) have an amazing son (almost 8) who is incredibly sweet, well-mannered and inquisitive. (Although, I guess most parents think of their kids that way.) I quit drinking about 2 months ago and have been adamant about doing the AA program correctly - 90 meetings in 90 days, sponsor, daily readings, therapy, etc. I really want to be a good mom and make up for my bad decisions when I was drinking.
(I never harmed him or put him in danger but I just wasn’t present and am remorseful about my drinking past.) The problem is that I’m a single mom who works full-time and I live in a small town.
Because it’s small, there aren’t a lot of options in terms of AA meetings, so the only one I can really attend is the 5:30 based on my schedule and my son’s. His father has him part-time, so on those days, I can attend meetings by myself but on my days I HAVE to bring my son.
I don’t have anyone to leave him with and babysitting wouldn’t work because nobody wants to babysit for just one hour - it doesn’t financially make sense for them.
So, I take my son to meetings. Naturally, he isn’t too thrilled when I have to. (Before you suggest I could do zoom meetings, i really don’t get anything out of them. I like the in-person connection and atmosphere).
My ex (who has never taken my alcoholism seriously and has never actually attended an AA meeting) says I’m TA for exposing our child to “that kind of atmosphere” and “those kinds of people.” The truth is, “those people” are what have saved my life.
They are so sweet and good with my son and, while sometimes the subject matter can be a little adult-ish, we mostly talk about how to be better people and live a spiritually-sound existence and to help our fellow man.
I personally think it’s good for my son to be surrounded by people that are trying to better themselves and also to let him know at an early age the effects of alcoholism as it runs in my family, but maybe I’m TA and way off the mark and am doing more damage than good.
I would just like outside opinions that aren’t emotionally connected to the situation. AITA for taking my 7 year old to AA meetings with some of the topics that are addressed?
Let's find out.
thepasch writes:
I think YTA, chiefly for two reasons: Your ex is half-right. An AA meeting is not the kind of atmosphere a 7-year old should be regularly subjected to. He's seven, not 10. (Though, to be clear, your ex is an AH for being judgmental about 'those people'). You're doing a good job trying to teach the dangers of alcoholism to your child at an early age, but I think seven is just a tad too young for such serious and somber topics.
There will be a time for this, but I don't think it's now. You may not realize it, but perhaps the presence of a young child may be affecting the others to perhaps not speak as freely as they could've. There are just topics you do not talk about in the presence of a child.
And I know that they all probably say they're fine, but in that situation, it's fairly possible no one wants to be 'that person' who complains about it. Even if it's just a hypothetical, I think it only adds to the notion that you really should be finding something else to do for your child during those hours.
thedamnapple writes:
I was one of those kids who was constantly dragged to NA meetings with my mom. Just want to echo that it is not a healthy environment for a kid to develop in. Sobriety is def a journey and many of her friends existed in chaos cause of relapse. It’s tough even for an adult to take that on, but depending on what the kid is exposed to, it could deeply F them up.