Mom won't let struggling daughter move back home, is she a bad mother? You decide.
When this mom is feeling conflicted, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for getting my daughter an apartment vs letting her move back in?'
My (45F) daughter, Mallory (24F) got married 3 years ago. She has two children (2 & 6 months). Recently, her husband revealed he’s been cheating on her and is leaving her for another woman. They rent a house but due to my daughter having no credit at the time of moving in, only his name is on the lease. He is giving her 30 days to move out.
Mallory is understandably distraught. I’ve been doing all I can to comfort her. She asked if she could move in with me, explaining she’d have the kids every other week. She assured me she isn’t looking for childcare. Both kids are in daycare. She offered to pay rent and chip in on groceries.
Now, I have always raised my kids to be independent. I didn’t kick them out at 18, but I did encourage them to start doing things on their own. Mallory moved out at 19 (moving in with her soon to be ex), my sons are in college and plan to move out after graduating from college (they’re both freshmen at the same university).
I asked Mallory how her credit score was. She said she could reasonably rent. I offered to pay first month, last month and a deposit, along with 6 months rent. She said it’s not about the money. She’s not wealthy by any means but she does well for herself and her husband is already agreeing to give her money weekly, even before they go to court. She just wants emotional support.
I told her I could do that with her living in her own place. She started to cry and said she just needs her mom right now. I told her she was going to be okay.
My sons are pissed with me. They pointed out I have plenty of room, that Mallory has offered to pay rent. She’s also not the type to shrug off responsibility of the kids and the toddler is well behaved. To me, that doesn’t matter. They called me heartless. AITA?
Let's find out what internet users had to say.
mrpeepee writes:
This is difficult for me, because you are reasonably helping your child out. The problem for me is this is less about them needing a space to live and more about them needing YOU. For all intents and purposes you are pushing your child away. Any time I needed help like this, my Mother was there to catch me.
I live with my Mother right now because she's in her late 60s and she was lonely living alone. I still manage to be an independent adult while living with my Mother. I have friends, I go to work, I often leave to hang with other people. I also drive my Mother around and run errands for her as she needs.
As well as stuff like cutting the grass and clearing the snow. I personally feel like you are being heartless, it's gonna be funny when you need your kids and they blow you off. YTA.
booroowo writes:
YTA and have you considered that encouraging her to get out so young, gave her a push into what has clearly turned out to be the wrong guy?
Maybe if she had a better safety net, she would have taken a little more time and found a real life partner and wouldn't be dumped with kids at 24. She will remember this when it's time to drop your independent ass in a nursing home in 30 years if not sooner if OP becomes ill and needs hands on care.
I can't imagine being this heartless to my daughter. Still in college but she knows she will ALWAYS have a place in my home.