Mom denies in-laws 'access' to newborn, fam blasts her 'bad parenting' on social.
When this mom is conflicted, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for keeping the birth of my daughter a secret?'
My husband (26 M) and I(25 F) had welcomed our daughter, Genie, in mid-December. We both come from overbearing families and both of us have complicated relationships with our in-laws.
This why we preferred to eloped privately instead of having a big wedding like we wanted.
My mother is very controlling and throughout my pregnancy did stuff that annoyed me such as throwing baby shower I was never aware of and inviting people and relatives I didn’t even know exist instead of people I knew and then blame me for not being “out there”.
My MIL is the same way except she hates my guts. She has done many things in the past that have gotten on my nerve such as showing a “cream” colored dress and telling me she’d wear it to my wedding, comparing me to my husband’s ex girlfriend and making fun of my weight during my pregnancy.
Sometimes I feel as god was gonna make my mother and MIL sisters but realized h*ll would probably break loose.
During my third Trimester, around 8 months, my husband and I decided to keep the delivery private and just have gathering for everyone to meet the baby a few days later.
During my labor when people called or texted we made up excuses such as being in a work meeting or driving on I-95 and there is no signal. On December 14th, I had my little girl and she is just adorable.
Three days after, we decided to throw a party for everyone to meet. Once everyone was there, we brought out our daughter and got mixed reactions, though most were happy women on my side were not.
They claimed that if something traumatic happened what would’ve we done and basically shamed me for keeping it to myself. This is same reaction we got from both side when we eloped.
“Moments like these should be celebrated together and it is only robbing our family of precious moments like this” my aunt said. Then it went off board to how we would be as parents.
They made snarky comments about us partying too much and how both our salaries would not be able to provide.
My husband is lawyer and I am 3rd grade teacher, so our income in total would be able support Genie. Then went on about how horrible the parenting techniques that I’ve read and talked about implementing in the past are.
My husband had enough kicked them out. Currently My mother and MIL are blasting me on social media about of denying them access to see our child. We’ve tried to make amends with them so many times but failed. Am I the Asshole for not telling my family? AITA?
Let's find out.
dollarcasual writes:
NTA. It sounds like you're not 'keeping it a secret', you just took ownership of when and how you shared this life event because your other family members have consistently overstepped their boundaries.
The fact that they are 'blasting you on social media' rather than discussing their concerns with you more privately speaks to the kind of people they are. Don't worry about it, you did fine.
snakesrfriends writes:
Nta. What the heck is with family thinking they have rights on how you raise your child as long as they are raised to be respectful and a decent human being it’s none of there business.
They can offer advice but it’s ultimately up to you and your husband I think you handled this situation just right. Let them be mad they’ll come crawlin back if they wanna be in your kids life but y’all gotta make sure it’s on your terms and in y’all’s boundaries.
nester1935 writes:
NTA. You might want to go NC or very very LC, getting off the family's social media so you don't have to deal with their reactions.
You might want to find a lovely family of choice, being part of moms' or parents' groups and getting close with other families with babies the same age, with lots of mutual support. Because you're only being undermined by both mother and MIL.
From where I sit, the family was incredibly lucky that you invited them even to meet this baby given the way they treat you.