'AITA for telling my MIL needs to break the promise she made to her husband?'
"AITA for telling my MIL needs to break the promise she made to her husband?"
When MIL met her current husband (Owen) she was on a plane and just assumed she would never see him again, so she lied about having kids. Owen was staunchly childfree and kids were an instant deal breaker.
She actually had three who were teens at the time. MIL claims she was just depressed, thought she would never see him again, and wanted to pretend for a little while to have a different life.
They spent a few days together and then she went home, but they ended up talking on the phone all the time and eventually he wanted to date and she had to come clean that she was married with three kids.
Obviously Owen thought she was an absolute psycho, but MIL eventually wore him down and he agreed to give it a try, but only because she promised the kids would never be his problem and he wouldn't have to have anything to do with them.
Owen and MIL got married and he just pretends her family doesn't exist. We see him occasionally and he comes to holidays, but he doesn't speak to any of us or acknowledge us.
She won't babysit her grandkids because it wouldn't be fair to Owen to have them in the house. We once even went on a vacation together and he just doesn't speak to us. Everyone tolerates it because MIL is really happy and she is a nightmare to deal with when she isn't happy.
Anyway my kids are getting old enough to notice that he ignores all of us. I am worried it will hurt their self esteem or they will internalize bad behavior. I confronted my husband but he said to leave it alone as he feels Owen is nothing to us and who cares if he talks to us. I was still bothered so I brought to MIL and Owen.
Owen said he doesn't see why he should have to go back on something she agreed to. MIL got upset and said I was being selfish and demanding, and to just leave Owen alone. I said it isn't fair to my kids and I am sick of being disrespected.
Today I refused to go to her typical new years brunch and stayed home with the kids instead. My husband is pretty annoyed and says I am making drama for no reason, and apparently MIL is furious and feels I am being insensitive. AITA?
Let's find out.
eaca87 writes:
NTA. What you're doing comes down to this: You are not required to set you or your children up for Owen to be rude to you.
Being welcoming to guests in your home does not mean that they, or their children, are 'your problem,' in any meaningful way, so Owen is taking your MIL's promise (which was bats*&t in the first place) to a strange and distant land by not speaking to people when they come to holidays.
Your MIL made a promise to Owen, but YOU did not. You did not agree to have an ogre travel with you on family vacations.
vegetablebee67 writes:
Your husband is the biggest a&*hole and you need to rethink your marriage. He is willing to hurt his children for a situation that his ADULT mother created.
He is a horrible father and probably shouldn’t be one if he thinks what his mother is subjecting his children to is psychologically okay. Horrible father.