When this MOH feels guilty leading up to her best friend's wedding, she asks Reddit.
My (28f) friend Sarah (26f) is getting married next week and I’m her MOH. I should be excited, but this whole situation has caused me a lot of anxiety because I’m 8 months pregnant and she isn’t happy about it.
You see, Sarah and her fiancé Dave got engaged two years ago and decided they’d get married on their anniversary which is so sweet and very them.
As Sarah’s MOH, I’ve been helping her plan and navigate through all of the many complicated feelings that go with being a bride- especially with setting boundaries with family members who don’t understand that this wedding is about Sarah and Dave and not them.
One of the major setbacks was the fact that they want to have a childless wedding. Because of Sarah’s anxiety, I took up deescalate some of her family members that demanded to be “the exception” and was able to help talk down all of the people who felt entitled to this wedding.
All was well with the world until I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I have been actively trying to have a baby for the past few years with no luck.
I have some medical issues which make having children extremely challenging for me, and when I found out I thought Sarah would be happy for me but she told me I was incredibly selfish.
She did the math and figured out I’d be due around the date of her wedding- which (she reminded me) I knew about well in advance. I tried to explain myself, but she wouldn’t hear it. She said if I was really her friend, I would have planned around her wedding.
I told her I realized she was hurt, but I wasn’t about to put my plans on hold for her. She got even more upset. She didn’t understand how I could spend all that time telling her loved ones not to bring children to her wedding only to turn around and do it myself.
I was shocked. I’m not due until the week after her wedding so technically wouldn’t be bringing a baby to the wedding. She then expressed how she was concerned about me going into labor at her wedding and started crying.
I assured her that wouldn’t happen, and for the past couple of months she’s been bringing this concern up to me repeatedly and making comments about my body changing and the pictures, etc. She’s mentioned more than once she’s worried I’ll be taking attention away from her and now I’m starting to believe it.
Last night some of the other brides maids went out drinking with Sarah and I guess my pregnancy came up again because I’ve received quite a few texts and snaps telling me that I’m a bad friend and don’t deserve to be a part of this wedding.
They’ve even called me an AH for planning my pregnancy during the wedding. AITA?
I'm just imagining what Sarah is picturing here. OP to her husband: Right, we've got 3 days here to get knocked up so I can ruin my best friend's wedding and 14 months to plan. I want you to freeze samples every week until then to shove up there as soon as I ovulate.
If we don't get pregnant on those specific three days then you and I are DONE because you will be an irretrievable disappointment in my eyes! And you'd better make sure you're fully carboloaded because we will have sex every hour on the hour for the entire 3 days.
Next up on AITA: AITA for sending a text to all my bridesmaids 9 months before my wedding to remind them all to keep their legs closed until after my wedding?
OP: NTA. This is ridiculous. I can understand being disappointed that your MOH might not be able to make the wedding, but this behaviour is seriously whacky. Just withdraw and let her find a new MOH. This stress is bad for you and the baby.
NTA, your friends suck. The bride gets one day, ONE, and even then, she doesn't get to dictate other people entire lives.
She should be happy for you. So I will tell you the Congratulations and I'm so happy for you! That should have come from her.
Also fyi - there is a good possibility that that baby will come early and you should be prepared for that possibility.
I have to agree, you don’t deserve to be part of this wedding. You don’t deserve to be told you are “selfish” for getting pregnant.
You don’t deserve to be getting little texts and snaps telling you that you are a “bad friend”.
You don’t deserve the aggravation of doing a favor of being in a wedding of somebody that isn’t happy for you and accused you of not participating in a “childfree wedding” because you are pregnant!
Why don’t you just back out and let your dear and lovely friend have her childfree wedding, hmmm? It sounds like it would be ever so much less stressful for you. NTA.