Woman blames mother, says, 'I wouldn't have to get surgery if it wasn't for you.'
When this woman is ready to blame her mother for a surgery she has to get, she asks Reddit:
'AITA: I told my mom the major surgery I’m facing at 45 is a direct result of surgery she made me get at six?'
I (45F) am facing major surgery on my heel, ankle and Achilles tendon if physical therapy does not improve my current pain levels. I have what my podiatrist has described as the “worst calcifications” he has seen on my Achilles.
There is a very high chance that with or without the surgery, I will lose my ability to walk. Surgery makes it less likely, but I will walk worse than normal, just hopefully without excruciating pain.
The issue is causing my Achilles to not stretch properly and literally rip the top of my heel bone off slowly. Any course my doctor and I take, I will lose at least some function of my foot.
The calcifications are 100% a direct result of tendon lengthening surgery my mother made me get at six to “fix” flat feet. The flat feet never caused me any issues.
My mother claims I walked on the outside edges of my feet, but regardless it worked for me. In some ways I feel like my mom wanted me to “fix” the flat feet because they did make it difficult for me to wear “girly” shoes and they didn’t look “normal” and I was a major tomboy. But that’s beside the point.
When I told my mom the doctor said my current issues were a direct result of the previous surgery, she got offended and said I was blaming her. She thinks it was a jerk move to bring the surgery 40 years ago up at all, even to my doctor.
I think it was fairly important for my doctor to know and I was simply stating a fact to her that had the lengthening of the tendon not been done, I would not have the calcification to the extent I have it.
Am I an AH for telling my mom (not in these exact words) that her decision 40 years ago is causing me to now face potentially losing my ability to walk?
To be clear, I don’t think my mom is necessarily an AH for choosing the surgery back then. I do doubt her given reasons (photos and my medical records don’t fully support her claims, they paint a less severe picture), but I’m sure she made the best decision for how she felt about it. AITA?
Let's find out.
thirstythirdcharm writes:
Gently YTA. Your mom was working on the advice of doctors at the time. She's not perfect - no parent is - and the surgery would not have gone ahead if a doctor didn't think it was called for. That's you projecting a whole lot of other issues onto this.
trinni1133 writes:
OP is NTA for giving her doctor an accurate medical history, and her mother is an extreme asshole to not want OP to tell her doctor about the surgery because OP's mother thinks it makes her look bad.
She's putting her feelings above her daughter's health. Given that context, she probably made OP have the original surgery because she thought her daughter's flat feet were somehow about her. In other words, this sounds like raging narcissism.
YTA.
I feel like my mom wanted me to “fix” the flat feet because they did make it difficult for me to wear “girly” shoes and they didn’t look “normal” and I was a major tomboy.
Am I an AH for telling my mom (not in these exact words) that her decision 40 years ago is causing me to now face potentially losing my ability to walk?
canterburyjaney writes:
I was prepared to say NTA.. but YTA. Back then flat feet were considered a real health issue.
She would have been shamed to hell for not addressing it. If she hadn't agreed to the surgery, people would have accused her of child abuse for condemning you to a life of deteriorating back issues that they really believed could potentially leave you disabled.
She wasn't a doctor. She had no way to know what would happen as a result of that surgery. Was she supposed to be psychic? Go against doctors and everything she was being told on the off chance when there was nothing to suggest otherwise? No one would do that. NO parent would do that.