'AITA for not helping a 'neighbor' when he came to my house asking for money?' UPDATED

"AITA for not helping a 'neighbor' when he came to my house asking for money?"

I (28F) may be TA because didn’t help a neighbor in need. Last week I answered the door to a random dude (RD). He’s standing too close but was friendly & introduced himself as my neighbour. I didn't know him so assumed he was new to the building.

He starts a crazy story about how his business was broken into, the alarm’s going off, he needs to get there, he has no cards because someone took his car with his wallet in, he needs taxi fare, he has £10 & only needs £20 to get there & will I be a good neighbour & give him the cash?

I've run into situations like this before when someone on the street says they need money. I've always dealt with it by politely saying 'sorry mate, can't help' & walking off. I've never felt anxious or cornered, even as a woman out alone.

But this time it happened in my safe space & I immediately felt defensive. He's a stranger, I'm home alone & he could block my door from closing if he wanted. I thought it was a scam but even though I didn’t know him he could still be a neighbour I didn’t want to make him angry & run into him later.

He talked fast, repeated everything & didn't give me a chance to think. He tried to get me to leave the flat & go to the cash point with him. I kept saying no & he started guilt-tripping me.

I said he should find someone he knows for help but he said I’m the only one around so I NEED to come with him or give him cash. He then tried to give me some keys & said I could go to is flat & take what I want if I just give him the money.

I can’t close the door while he’s standing so close so I lie & say I’ll give him £20 if he lets me go write something up for him to sign as evidence. He agrees & tries to come in but I say I’ll be right back.

I manage to close & lock the door but I’m panicking, my hearts racing & I keep thinking 'what if he does live here?'. But I didn’t want to give him £20 so I say through the door ‘I don't know you, I don't want to lend you money, please leave'

He FREAKS OUT says I'm horrible & he's a nice guy then leaves. I asked the letting agent if he’s a tenant but I haven’t heard back. I'm still on edge & scared he’ll come back.

My husband thinks he was probably in a tough situation & it wouldn't have killed me to be neighbourly & I'm TA for not helping him get to his business after a break-in. I thought he was scamming me, is there a chance he was just in a tough situation?

Let's find out.

melmouthmaton writes:

NTA- you said what you said to close the door and be safe.

Molly, you in danger, girl. You've literally never seen this man before, he could be a neighbour, or he could be a predator.

He wouldn't have been so *angry* if he were actually someone in need. Annoyed, upset, frustrated, sure. Angry, no.

In my opinion, you were not in a safe situation, and you did what you had to to be safe. You did nothing wrong. There's a high probability he was scamming- or worse, considering he was trying to convince you to leave your safe space and come with him.

No, I wouldn't have done anything different. If you see him again, tell him to keep his distance and that he makes you feel unsafe. Tell him if he ever approaches you again, you will call the police.

He could be the nicest guy in the world, and you still did nothing wrong. But he's not- because he tried to get you to leave your flat, to give him money, and got offensive when you refused. You're in the clear. Good luck, stay safe. Cheers for the shiny, friend!

malicioustacos writes:

The fact that this dude was trying to get OP to leave her home and go to a cash place says robbery to me… or something much worse. OP you are absolutely NTA. Keep safe and call the police if this guy comes back.

beemojee writes:

Yep. I've been hit up for cash on public transit by addicts jonesing for a fix. They may look like nice young women having a bad day (cause there's always a desperate story why they need it, and it usually involves the wallet being stolen), and I may look like a sweet little old white haired naive grandma, but they're not and I'm not.

I'm a retired psych nurse and I know the signs. I always give them the same answer I give anyone panhandling -- I don't carry cash on me. And I don't, I never carry cash.

Later OP came back with these edits and an update:

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the comments & messages! Feeling better about trusting my instincts now.

I also reported the incident like many of you advised so we’ll see what happens!

EDIT 2: For the commenters saying my husband should have had my back, he did! It was the friend (now ex-friend) who said I was TA. My husband came home early from work as soon as I told him about it and brought me pizza & ice cream so no worries on that front ^^

UPDATE: Been a while, sorry for not updating sooner but I'll keep it short.
My letting agent asked me to contact the police because similar issues have happened at their other properties and they are advising all tenants to make reports. I got sent a mug shot from some CCTV and confirmed it was the same guy.

He was arrested for running scams and for multiple counts of assault on people in my area. So yeah... glad I managed to get the door closed and I haven't opened it since without knowing who's on the other side. I'm also no longer friends with the person who told me I was being 'unneighbourly', for various reasons but this was one of them. Thanks again for all the support!