Bride offended by MIL's dress at wedding; groom takes his mom's side. AITA?
When this man is conflicted about his wife and mom, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for not knowing what to do when my wife was offended by my mom's dress at our wedding?"
I got married recently and it was a beautiful day. We considered not inviting my mother, because she is not a happy supportive person in our lives, and she has many issues with my wife. Ultimately we decided to invite her just because it is a big day, and her brand of crazy is very quite and not attention seeking.
I take my wife's side almost all of the time, and definitely every time in front of my mother, but one thing my wife does that drives me crazy is nitpick my mother's clothing and assume there is always a subliminal message.
She was offended by what she wore to the rehearsal dinner because the dress had small cut outs on the side, but one of her bridesmaids wore a fancier crop top and skirt combo and she wasn't offended by that.
She was also bothered by the headband my mom wore to our engagement dinner because it was more bejeweled than the ring, and my MIL ripped it off my mom's head and tried it on.
Anyway my mom wore black to our wedding. I've never even heard of that being a taboo thing. My dad got married a couple years ago and the bridesmaid dresses were black.
My wife said it was offensive because it is a funeral color, but my mom was wearing a nice lacy one sleeve cocktail dress, not something drab like you would wear to a funeral. She asked me to ask her to either change or leave.
I might be the a$#@ole, because she was the bride and it was her day, but I said no. I explained that I actually don't think she did that on purpose, and while I know she has been a jerk in the past, I think she would have worn that even if she liked us.
My wife was understandably hurt and felt I didn't have her back on our big day. I even offered to pay to have the color changed in photos, though thankfully my mom just disappeared during family pictures, because she either didn't want to be in them or assumed she wasn't wanted.
Let's find out.
lacroix87 writes:
NTA. I’ve worn black dresses (like LBD/cocktail style) to weddings. It’s not like your mom wore a mourning veil and covered herself head to toe like a Victorian widow. I think your wife is over sensitive due to past history and sees insults where there aren’t any.
shakeslow87 writes:
NTA. However I think there's a reason your mom doesn't support your relationship. In this case, it sounds like a bratty daughter and her mom are involved. Your MIL was rude asf at the rehearsal. And if your mom is wearing something just as fancy as others involved in the wedding, your wife is looking for a reason to hurt her.
And it's just as much your day as it is your wife's. If your mom was being appropriate, you should have gotten to enjoy your mom being there. I bet it hurt she couldn't have pictures with her son for his wedding.
esquireperson88 writes:
ESH. Wearing black to a wedding — especially as a family member — is truly unfathomable to me for cultural reasons and that sentiment is true in the majority of my social circle.
I was genuinely shocked the first time I saw someone wear black to a wedding and even after learning that it’s not universally taboo, I still wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so without explicit permission.