Man 'flaunts' young pregnant wife in front of 'infertile' ex-wife, ruins party.
When this man feels guilty, he asks Reddit:
'AITA For Showing Up To A Party With My Pregnant Wife That My Ex Was At?'
I (35m) used to be married to my high school sweetheart 'Kelly' (35f). We got married after undergrad and overall I would say that we were really happy.
The biggest conflict that I would say we had was the topic of children. Not the idea of actually having them but when.
I've always wanted to be a dad and wanted to have my kids while I was still young enough to run around with them while they were kids and have a good adult relationship with them once they got older.
Kelly brought up a lot of good points about needing to get married, living fully on our own, and being out of debt first.
For about five years I worked a job I had no passion for solely because of the large paycheck and I was able to nearly wipe out our debt completely (we didn't have a lot to begin with in the first place).
Then Kelly said she wanted a house, so we got one, then a few months in she talked about wanting to go to grad school.
Even though we often fought about children, in the end I always supported her choices because I didn't want her to resent me.
I would often ask her if Kelly had ever changed her mind about wanting kids but she assured me that she still did, just not now.
I asked when would she be and it always felt like she kept moving the goal post whenever she'd list her requirements, and that I was painted as a jerk for 'pressuring' her for kids.
Unfortunately, after weeks of not feeling well, Kelly was diagnosed with an illness. It was rough but I stood by her and she pulled through but the cost was her fertility.
I felt like a jerk again because of part of me resented Kelly for not agreeing to have kids sooner and that resentment grew when Kelly refused to look into using a surrogate, insisting that either we were both the bio parents or neither of us were. In the end I couldn't take it and just divorced her.
A lot of people called me selfish, sexist, misogynistic, etc. but I just wasn't sure if this was something that I would be able to truly let go of.
I let Kelly keep the house and moved out of town. Eventually I met and fell in love with Angela (32f) and after shortly moving into together she got pregnant so we got married. She's entering her third trimester with our baby girl and I'm so excited.
A friend back in college moved back to the states and wanted to have a small party to see everyone.
He invited Kelly and me, so I checked in with him privately and asked if it would be okay to bring my wife and he said that it was cool so I did. This was the first time I saw Kelly in person for years and she looked well enough.
I was polite but kept my distance and thought everything was good until the next day when I got a barrage of texts and DMs blasting me for having the audacity to parade my heavily pregnant new (younger) wife in front of my infertile ex-wife.
I had no malicious intentions and it has been a few years plus I asked beforehand just to double check so AITA?
Let's find out.
magnusalbuspater writes:
NTA. You divorced, it doesn’t sound like you screwed her over in it, and you each have your own lives now.
She should have known having kids was important to you since that was obviously a wedge issue in your relationship with her, so she shouldn’t have been shocked that you went on to achieve that goal.
Also, 32 is essentially the same age as 35. It’s not like you showed up with a pregnant 20 y/o.
dumplingones writes:
NTA. I don’t think you are an asshole. It’s sad that Kelly is infertile but you didn’t bring your wife to rub her infertility in her face. You reached out to your friend and you got the okay. Just block anyone sending you nasty texts.
Also from that you wrote, it sounds like Kelly never wanted kids, and she kept leading you on with the hope that you’d eventually drop the issue. Divorcing her was the right move too, if not your resentment would have kept growing.