Husband scolds wife after she hires help behind his back; "stop this, you're a SAHM.'
When this man is upset with his wife, he asks Reddit:
'WIBTA if I ask my wife to stop hiring help?'
Before my wife (30F) and I (32M) got married, we had already agreed that she would be a stay at home mom, as my job was enough to support us. She would cook, clean, and take care of our children. There was never any issue with this until now. For a little background, we have 3 kids, two of which are in elementary school.
My wife also used to have an impulse buying issue, where she would invest or buy large amounts of things we don't need, so I decided to give (both) of us a budget of $500 each month to spend on fun stuff or stuff we only kind of need. I also work long hours, so when I get home for dinner it's usually around 6-7.
Anyways, one day we installed a baby monitor in the baby's room, and I often checked up on the baby during my lunch break. One day during lunch, I overheard my wife talking to another person, who she instructed to clean, cook, and take care of our child.
At first I thought it was one of her friends, which I thought was a bit weird, but later I learned that every month she uses some of her 'fun' money to hire someone to cook, clean, and take care of our child. I have nothing against hiring help, but there are two facts I'm a bit confused about.
One of them is about how she lied to me, and specifically went behind my back, but the other one is a bit more complicated. (I have not confronted her yet).
I don't necessarily know how I feel about her, as a SAHM hiring help to do her job for her? I work long hours, yet she doesn't have to do anything all day. Then again, it is HER money that she can use for ANYTHING she wants so... WIBTA if I confront her and ask her not to?
I also learned later that she even hires people from task rabbit to put together shelves etc. Basically anything that she doesn't feel like doing, she pays someone else to do.
Let's find out.
absolutepain475 writes:
Unpopular opinion but I say NTA for a couple of reasons.... The first which is huge to me is you're both the parents so decisions regarding the kids should be made together.
I would be livid if i found out my son's father was hiring people to care for him DAILY and i was never told. If this was an occasional thing to get a break that's one thing but that's your home and kids too, if this is a daily thing you should have been consulted.
Noteworthy but kind of irrelevant: if it was an afternoon a week or something i think it should come from shared finances and not be entirely her responsibility to pay for.
Additionally I'm confused by the people upset that you said she's doing nothing all day because 'kids and the home is a real job.' It absolutely is but that's the issue, she's not doing that, she's outsourcing it so she can do whatever she wants.
I would absolutely feel betrayed if i were you to find out months down the road that you have no idea what's going on every day in your own home.
tiffm78 writes:
Yta, 'she doesn't have anything to do all day' except take care of the kids and house. Get the school agers off to school, run errands, grocery shop, meal plan, clean, cook, book appointments, plan around the kids schedules.
So what if she hires someone to help out once in awhile to get a break? She obviously can't be hiring someone fulltime for only $500/month.
lostcannuck98 writes:
Yta. You go to your job Monday to Friday, you come home and leave your work at work. A stay at home parent is on duty 24 hours a day. You do her job for a week and see if you don't want some time off.
She should have talked about bringing in help or what help she needs if overwhelmed at times.