SAHM says she should be entitled to sick days, breadwinning husband disagrees.
When this mom feels like she's entitled to sick days like a regular employee, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for saying I expect sick days as a SAHM?'
So I'm a SAHM to 4 (10, 7, 3, and 18m). I homeschool and have since the beginning. I also have several chronic illnesses (Crohn's, POTS, EDS, CFS, ADHD). Generally I function okay.
I'm tired all the time but our house is reasonably clean, I cook every meal from scratch due to food sensitivities, and my kids consistently test above grade level. Hubby is a salesman and makes a decent income. He is a genuinely great dad and husband and helps loads when he's home.
He gets 12 sick days a year (paid) on top of vacation time. He loses them at the end of the year if they're not used. He typically uses one or two sick days a year.
I told hubby if I had a full time job I would get sick days. I deal with my symptoms well most days, but some days I'm dealing with nearly fainting, extremely low blood pressure, dizziness to the point i can barely walk. Other days I am in tremendous pain from Crohn's. I told him I want to reserve six of his sick days for those kind of days.
He says no, I function just fine and don't need sick days. I said either he gives me emergency days or I'll hire a sitter those days (we have no family nearby and i rarely get help if hubby is away). He says I'm being unreasonable and I can just sit the kids in front of the DVD player on bad days. AITA?
Let's see what Redditors had to say on this one.
helpymchelpherton writes:
I have a lot of thoughts. It's not unreasonable to want sick days. Your job is a school teacher and mom. As the person NOT staying home with multiple children every day (your husband) doesn't understand what it's like. Raising 1 child at a time can be difficult at times. NTA
It IS unreasonable to demand him to take more days off just so you can have them. Some jobs view more than a day or two off a year as 'not a good worker.' It's completely possible he's afraid it could negatively impact his job security (whether it's true or not doesn't even matter, it could be an anxiety issue there)
HOWEVER ... if he isn't willing to take those days off, it should 100% be transferred to a babysitter position when needed. Marriage is about compromise sometimes. He doesn't want to, you can find another way to make it happen. Problem solved.
gmucovida writes:
NTA you don't get to 'reserve' his sick days but you should work together to make a childcare plan that works. If you're sick he can choose to use his sick days or you should have some sort of back up caregiver that can come in and help with the three kids.
This has presumably been an issue for 18+ years so why haven't you talked about it before? Why is there no plan in place?
earlyday89 writes:
When companies have sick leave separate from vacation, you usually have to be sick to take it. You're asking him to essentially commit fraud, so yes, YTA. If you need a sitter, hire a sitter. Don't use it as a threat to get your husband to risk his job.