Brother threatens sister who wants to get a tattoo, he says 'mom will feel betrayed.'
When this brother is mad at his sister, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for calling my sister cruel for her tattoo idea?'
Sis is 28 I'm 26M. My sis N has always had a strained relationship with our parents especially my mom. I am clearly not privy to the reasons because things are fine with me and my parents.
When N went to college she met her creative writing professor as a freshman and they got close immediately. They would do a lot together and worked closely on a few different writing projects.
N never specifically said this, but it was obvious to anyone who saw them interact that they had a substitute mother/daughter type relationship. Which hurt my mom a lot to see.
I always thought she'd grow out of it or that the prof would move on but ten years later they were still very close.
About a month ago the prof died unexpectedly and it devastated N. She was really dperessed over the holidays which of course was all in front of my mom and was a difficult reminder that N loved the prof as a mother way more than she ever loved my mom as a mother.
She still talks to my parents and stuff and they don't fight or anything but N is very distant and doesn't tell them anything about her life beyond the bare minimum. My mom tried to comfort N but N was doing her distant thing and didn't want comfort.
Something unfortunate that happened to N is that when she got the call that she died, she was brewing tea and in the shock of the news she spilled boiling water on her arm which burned her kinda badly on her wrist.
I think the burn was like on the borderline of 2nd and 3rd degree, and definitely still looked pretty rough during the holidays. N said it was especially hard because in addition to the physical pain, every time she looks at it she is reminded of the moment she found out the prof died. Which I totally get.
I was on facetime with N and she said she talked to her tattoo artist friend who said that the burn should be able to heal well enough to get a tattoo over it. N then excitedly told me about her idea which is a type of flower that the prof gave her a bouquet of for her undergrad graduation.
My mom was so embarrassed that day because she didn't get N flowers but the prof did and N was parading them around so happy and it was a reminder of their connection. I guess N and the prof exchanged these flowers for every special occasion like birthdays etc.
So now she wants to get a decent sized tattoo in a highly visible spot of something that will remind everyone of the prof. I told N that this seemed really cruel to my mom who already feels cast aside and like she's in exile from N. And that's without the constant permanent reminder.
N kind of scoffed and said 'I can't believe you think you have the right to tell me not to do this,' called me an ass and hung up and is still not talking to me except for a very brief text saying congrats for a promotion I just got.
My parents aren't commenting. My dad said I should have just kept quiet even though he agrees and my mom made no comment but seemed grateful I stood up for her. I feel like I was just being protective of my mom. But AITA?
Let's find out.
resolutemuse78 writes:
What you have described is the golden child and the scapegoat child. You being the golden child. N didn’t get what she needed from her own mother and was incredibly fortunate that another stepped in and took on that role.
Take your blinders off and see. Ask your sister if she felt second best growing up, and be open (and silent) when, and to what, she tells you. Yes. YTA.
planktonsurvivor writes:
YTA. Agree. Not much else to say other than it’s ok for people to have meaningful connections to humans in life who arnt their parents and honor them and that connection however they want it’s not her problem to deal with her mothers pain or feeling left out.
roadgoddess writes:
YTA- the fact that you choose to not ask your sister why she has these estrangement issues with your mother speaks volumes to your lack of awareness of her situation.
I often tell young people that you have two chances for a family in this world, the first is the one you’re born into, and the second is the one you choose. I personally never had children myself, but I have about 10 young adults that all call me mom.
Your sister found someone who loved and cared for her, that she had things in common with, that mentored her in her young adult life when she really needed someone. It’s absolutely appropriate for her to get a meaningful tattoo to honour her memory.
Maybe you need to take some blinders often really examine what the family was like when she was growing up.