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Man doesn't want to invite sister to family vacation after what her son did.

Man doesn't want to invite sister to family vacation after what her son did.

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When this man is conflicted about his sister and nephew, he asks Reddit:

'WIBTA for not inviting my sister to our family vacation this year because of her child?'

My brother Mark (40m) and I (39m) organise a family trip each year which includes my sister Sally (33m). Our friend Darren (all fake names) has a place which he allows us to stay in for free.

My wife and I have twins (15m and 15f) and my brother Mark and his wife have 2 kids, (16m and 9f). Sally and my BIl John (34m) have an autistic son Luke (13m).

The problem started last year, when during our vacation Luke had a meltdown and ended up destroying about £1000 worth of property after he lost in a video game. During the tantrum, there was a lot of swearing.

Before all the kids used to be good friends and they all enjoyed hanging out with each other.

However now, my niece (9f) refuses to play with Luke because she is scared of the 'bad monster'. We have tried to encourage her to spend time at least with the adults watching but she is adamant not to which we respect.

The older three have also withdrawn themselves as they feel that 'they must protect themselves first' and that they choose their little sister over Luke.

The thing is Luke has never had a meltdown close to that level before or since the incident . Both me and my brother agree in not forcing the kids to interact but we try to encourage the older ones to slowly talk more with him.

Furthermore, my BIL has refused to pay me for the damages so I could pay my friend, since 'it's my brother's and my responsibility as we organised it.' We eventually just let it go since they are struggling financially.

About a week ago, at my mom's house, the four kids (not Luke) came up and asked me if we were going back to the same place. I said we hadn't decided yet.

Luke must have overheard and came up and said that we have to go back since he has been a very good boy for the last year. I just said we hadn't decided yet.

Well Luke must have told my BIL since he asked my brother why we were crushing our nephew's dream and that we were ableist since we could easily afford it. We said we needed payment first for last year.

Still we aren't comfortable going with them since we don't want a repeat of last year and cause our friend more trouble. However my brother's wife feels that it would be cruel to exclude them when our four kids are going and that they also are dependent on this for their yearly break.

My brother now feels that we should cut Sally and her family off completely since they are 'leeches'.

I don't agree with this but my brother is increasingly agitated. I think the ableist comment got to him as he has a close friend with down's syndrome that very recently passed away.

I think I could be the asshole and we are 'punishing' Luke for something he can't control, and really only doing so since my BIL has it made it clear that it's our responsibility to cover the expenses since we plan it, although they are stuffling financially. So reddit, WIBTA if I excluded my sister's family from the vacation?

Let's find out.

minered98 writes:

NTA - 'Furthermore, my BIL has refused to pay me for the damages so I could pay my friend, since 'it's my brother's and my responsibility as we organised it.' We eventually just let it go since they are struggling financially.'

That sealed the deal for me. Your AH BIL and Sister need to be accountable for their child's actions. Since they are not, they are not welcome. Unfortunately, when you go without them next time, they will continue to feel like it's your fault and you'll get all of the drama that comes with that.

swadapotamus writes:

Yeah, this isn’t about you punishing your nephew-this is about BIL and Sis not taking accountability for Luke’s behavior or damages he caused (physically and emotionally).

Your BIL apparently feels jealous about your financial situation and therefore entitled to be a pr*ck. Instead of being grateful for a FREE trip and being abashed at how his son damaged property, he justifies it by saying “you can afford it”. Like wtf?!

Because you can’t trust his parents to be responsible and pitch in, you can’t let any of them go.

It’s that simple. If any person I went on vacation was this irresponsible and entitled, I’d never travel with them again - whether they were disabled or not. And the idea that the other kids don’t necessarily feel safe around Luke anymore? That makes it even worse.

You only invite those who can be trusted to treat your friend’s place with respect and pay in-full for damages caused (as accidents can happen). Thus, whole-heartedly NTA.

notyourmom writes:

NTA. Setting Luke's Autism entirely aside, your sister and her husband refused to take responsibility for their child's destruction of property and left you holding the bag on that. To me, that is inexcusable and I'd cut them off of any future family vacations for that alone until they made that debt right with whoever had to cover it.

Well, looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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