Woman wonders if helping broke sister will enable more of her 'irresponsible' behavior.
When this woman is struggling to feel sorry for her sister, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not sympathizing more with my sister's situation since she created it?'
I do sympathize with my sister. I love her very much. But she has made some very poor, in my opinion, decisions. I (F33) am six years older than my sister. She is a brilliant and talented musician. I cannot praise her skill enough. Truthfully I am somewhat jealous of it. I didn't get that.
There are four kids in my family. My two older brothers, myself and my sister. My brother's are much older than us. They love us but they are more like young uncles to us. The younger one was in university when my sister was born.
My parents had money set aside for us that our grandparents had saved for us. Our parents invested the money and contributed to it. They weren't horrible people so they didn't take it for themselves or hold it over us to control us.
When we graduated from high school we were told that there was money for us. We could use it for school or to invest or whatever. It was ours. The only stipulation was that we would get it in yearly installments for six years.
I got some financial assistance for my education so I actually managed to save almost half of mine. Enough for a sizable downpayment on a house when I was 24.
That was the year my sister graduated. She decided to go see the world. She traveled through Europe and Australia. She went snowboarding in New Zealand and Argentina.
I told her that she should save some for school. She said that she was making money busking and that she was okay.
Then COVID happened. I thought maybe she would come home and study while the world was shut down. Nope. She stayed in Indonesia because it was cheap to live there.
Well now she is home. She is down to her last installment. My parents signed over the account to her with all the money that was left.
It's enough to get her back to Indonesia. But now she is looking at the account and realizing that she is at the end. There is no more coming.
She asked me out for coffee and was crying because she might have to use the money to pay for an apartment and then figure out what to do. She wants to go to teach English as a second language in Asia. I know she wants money from me.
And while you can do that with certification you won't get paid very much. You need a proper degree for some of the well paying positions.
I did not say 'I told you so' but she could guess what I was thinking. She says I'm an asshole for judging her choices and not supporting her lifestyle. But what am I supposed to do? Lend her money?
I do wish I had travelled more when I was younger. But I got an education instead. So did our brothers. She chose to use her money that way. I feel bad for her but I did kind of tell her it wasn't a great choice. Should I help her evven though I don't want to? AITA?
Let's find out.
darlingarmidillo writes:
NTA OP. Sister could still put her last installment towards some kind of training or education.
If she's not academic, there are trades she could learn, or she could teach music as well as the qualifications to teach English as a foreign language. Either way, she really needs to work out a way to pay her own bills.
aggresivepeace698 writes:
NTA. Your sister made the choices that she did and has to live with them. It's all very well wanting to live a dream, but most of the time realising them takes money. She is saying you are the AH, because she knows she has messed up and not handled her finances properly.
As you have spoken glowingly about her, showing absolute pride in her in her musical talent, why don't you have another sit down with her and discuss options on building up money, in to help her go back to Asia.
You could suggest taking a temporary job in an office, albeit part time...doing something with her music. If she can play the piano or organ, she can play for churches, when they need one.
Or she could give private lessons. Speak to your parents, if they are able and willing, about giving her a loan, to get her certification, on the condition that she gets a part time job, whatever it is to pay them back and save.
Your sister sounds like a very free spirited person, who loves for today not tomorrow. In a way there is nothing wrong with that, but she must take responsibility for herself and choices.
tantrumsandtiaras writes:
NTA. Confused you did support her lifestyle choices - you didnt tell her not to do it or stop her whilst she was out there having fun - she did as she pleased.
Doesnt mean you now have to fund her life or offer sympathy now. Why lie and go poor you. Its her choice and these are the consequences. She needs to get a job.