Woman won't let BF stay over, says, 'you're not going to like my sleep demon.'
When this woman is worried about her sleep paralysis, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not letting my BF stay over because of my sleep paralysis?'
I 30F have had sleep paralysis on and off since I was a teen. It comes along with false awakenings and audio visual hallucinations. I haven’t had it in years but had an awful flare up last night.
My house was creaking as my heat came on/off. My fun brain interpreted it as someone was breaking in. At the start I knew I was dreaming/had sleep paralysis but after about 4 false awakening I had no idea if I was awake or not.
At one point I “woke up” to a stranger in my room who begaan to attack me. I genuine thought I was being attacked and was trapped in my body unable to even scream. I never managed to fully wake up but managed to fall into a deep sleep. Although I felt so on edge today.
This afternoon I mentioned it to my bf (32m) (who I do not live with) and said if it happened again tonight I would head to my parents and stay there until my brain calms down. (We live in the same town).
He laughed and said that seemed stupid, they can’t stop dreams and I was over reacting . I explained that if I’m at my parents, I’ll be able to tell if I’m dreaming or not, easier.
He then suggested he sleep over. This was an immediate no. My sleep paralysis demon has merged into people I’m in a room with before. We’re only a few months in and I don’t want to have this taint anything.
What if I dream he’s attacking me. These aren’t just dreams. They feel so real. I tried to explain this but he got annoyed and wanted to know why I would dream about him attacking me. Do I think he’s capable of that? We’re partners shouldnt I be relying on him instead of running to my parents like a child.
It is kind of true though. The bottom line is I feel the most vulnerable during these episodes. I don’t know him well enough to convince my half asleep brain that I’m dreaming and to work through my awakening ritual.
Well now he’s pissed that I’m “putting up walls” and not letting him in. AITA?
Let's find out.
AIaholedetector writes:
NTA. Sleep paralysis can be a scary and overwhelming experience, and it's understandable that you want to take steps to feel safe and secure. It's also understandable that you don't want your boyfriend to stay over given your past experiences with sleep paralysis.
It's concerning that your boyfriend is reacting in a dismissive and angry way rather than being supportive and understanding. He should be willing to listen to your concerns and respect your decision to stay at your parents' house if that's what makes you feel comfortable and safe.
You're not 'putting up walls' by prioritizing your own well-being and finding a way to cope with your sleep paralysis. Your boyfriend needs to be more understanding and empathetic towards your experiences, rather than trying to make it about him and his feelings.
cryptographer writes:
I think you said it yourself though, you don't know him well enough to trust him with this. 4 months is not a lot of time and this is something major, I think (without knowing anything about the relationship) that it's within the realm of possibility that you're just not 'there' with him yet in the relationship.
His dismissive attitude is really worrying though.
You can't control what you dream about and I don't think it says anything about the people who might be in your dreams and what you might think of them.
This sounds like a terrifying experience. You should prioritize what makes you feel safe and if that's going to your parents' house, do it. NTA.