When this stepmom is conflicted, she asks Reddit:
My husband (41m) and I (42f) have an agreement that he will pay the bills and I will pay for extras such as vacations, birthday gifts/parties, Christmas gifts/decorations, etc.
Well his sons (17 and 14) are very disrespectful not only to me but to my husband as well. They never come to visit. My husband has sent them multiple texts asking them if they’re coming for Christmas and what they want for Christmas.
They read the texts but didn’t respond.
He has called them many times but they won’t answer. I sent them a text last week telling them I need ideas for Christmas gifts. They read it but didn’t respond.
A few days later I sent a text asking if them not responding to their dad’s and my texts means they’re not coming. Again, they read it but didn’t respond. The youngest finally sent my husband a text saying they’re not coming.
The only thing I can think of is their mom bad mouthing us. My husband has been a great father and I have been a great stepmother. I had a great relationship with them until they moved to their moms 2 years ago. Now it feels like they arent my family anymore.
My husband still feels like I should buy them gifts. But I told him that I’m not spending money on them. Am I the asshole?
The kids are 14 and 17 so there's not much you can do. My parents are divorced, and i got to decide whether or not to visit my father. It would have been hell to be forced.
NTA op. If husband thinks it’s so massively important, he should get the presents himself.
nta. Why is your husband interacting directly with the kids about visits instead of keeping it on the adult side and coordinating with the mom? He's creating this whole mess. Teens will always be immature and will always live in drama if the adults around them aren't creating structure.