Stepmom favors stepson on Christmas over other stepkids, says, 'I have my reasons.'
When this stepmom feels guilty about her relationship with her stepkids, she asks Reddit:
'AITA For Favoring My Stepson?'
My husband is significantly older than me ( +10 years). When we married 10 years ago he had three teenage children (Tom-16m, Jane-15f, and Andi-13NB).
The children's mother had died when Andi was born and I made it clear I was not interested in being a mother figure to them (I was only 25 myself). But over time we have each formed our own relationship.
Very early on it was clear Tom and I just got along well. We both like antiques, shopping, and dirty jokes. I was the first person he came out to at 19. I adore his partner (who I hope will be his husband if I am being honest). We are close.
Jane and I have a good relationship, but not as close as Tom and I. She and I probably have a middle child understanding with each other.
Andi has always been harder. They caused a lot of trouble as a teen and have continued to struggle.
Also, if I am being frank, Andi had developed some pretty insufferable political opinions and loves to lecture people. Sometimes I want to have dinner, not have Foucault crib noted to me.
Which leads to Christmas. I bought each of the kids a gift as I have done for the past decade. Tom got an antique vase I had seen him admire in a store when we were out shopping.
Jane got a Cusinart she had asked for. I got Andi a $20 gift card to a local store I know they like. Andi looked visibly disappointed. After the kids had left, Husband got made and me and said Andi can tell I don't like them and I need to stop favoring Tom.
I get mothers shouldn't have favorites, but I am not their mother we are friends at best. And yeah, I have a favorite and sometimes it shows. So, Reddit, AITA?
Let's find out.
123yolliox write:
YTA and your husband is the AH for bringing you into the family and allowing you to behave this way towards his children. Andi is 13 years old. 13 year olds can be insufferable because they are just starting to form their political views.
Andi doubly so because they are navigating puberty and figuring out their gender identity.
You are an adult not a teenage mean girl who gets to decide who sits at your table at lunch. Those kids were 6, 5, and 3 when you came into their lives.
You have been in their lives as their female role model for longer than their mom was. It is insane that you buy those children Christmas presents based on how much you like them.
Your husband has 4 children in the house. As a side note, it is unusually callous to raise 3 children and have no parental affection for them. Get an valuation.
excellentcare97 writes:
YTA I get it you are ‘not their mother’ except that you are the only mother-like figure in their life and you literally dumped on the youngest.
If you know they prefer to shop for their own item, great, still get a gift card, but at least pretend to make it equivalent to what the other two got. What you did was insulting.
plumplum87 writes:
I like the comparison with a friend group. If you give one friend an expensive personal gift, another friend a gift from their wish list and another friend a $20 gift card, it’s a very clear message that you don’t like the last friend. It’s just rude.
These are her husband’s children, so they are part of her life.
It’s fine they agreed she will not act as their mother and the children will just see her as their father’s partner, but purposely buying a shitty gift because you don’t like one of them is an AH move.YTA.