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'AITA for not having cake at my stepdaughter's birthday? We're a healthful household.'

'AITA for not having cake at my stepdaughter's birthday? We're a healthful household.'


"AITA for not having cake for my stepdaughter's birthday?"

I (34f) have two boys (10m and 8m) and my husband 'Dirk' (40m) has a daughter from another relationship 'Gwen' (just turned 6f). We are a healthful household and we teach moderation and controlling how much we take when we have treats. We are also very active and every day strive to get the boys moving.

However, Gwen is only here two weekends a month, and her mother has the exact opposite attitude. In all honesty that woman's blood type is probably ketchup. Similarly, Gwen is about 20lb heavier than a 5 year old girl is supposed to be.

It makes me sad for this child and her health so when we get her I try to teach Gwen about healthy eating and moving around. We have the boys play with her so she's getting active, and we make a distinction between foods that are healthy and ones that aren't.

When I see one of the kids reaching for a 'treat' food in the pantry I'll ask 'would you like to make a healthier choice?' And Gwen is really getting it, she's always going for better choices now and is also asking for fruit at home which is really good.

Gwen's birthday ended up falling on one of her weekends with us, and while we were talking about what kind of cake to have, I asked Gwen about the healthier choice.

My reasoning is unfortunately she's still getting all that garbage at home, and it's just not good for a growing girl.

She agreed and we decided to have some low fat ice cream so she can still have a sweet treat. It's a brand Gwen loves and asks for every time she's here, so she was happy with it.

Until the next day after she went back to mom. Her mom called us furious, she said then when Gwen got home and she asked about her birthday with us and her cake, Gwen started crying because she really did want cake but didn't want to 'make a bad choice'.

She accused me of fat shaming her and her daughter and that I owe her a cake and a big apology.

I'm just looking out for the health of a child in my care, but I never said Gwen couldn't have cake and she could have had one if she said she wanted one. I suggested sticking to ice cream because I care. But did I go about it in a TA way?

Let's find out.

newpalpitation7 writes:

YTA. She’s 5. Give the child goddamn cake on her birthday and then go for a family walk after. Also FYI, the good choice/ bad choice talk is just going to give her body image issues for the rest of her life.

gremlin1989 writes:

Yes I try to teach my daughter about healthy food choices, but not by taking away any treats! Especially not on her birthday!

SD here might be a bit heavy for her age, or this might be OP deciding what a 5yo should look like, I don't know (but suspect the latter). But she's 5 FFS, she's probably about to have a growth spurt, especially if she is also eating healthy foods alongside the fun/treat foods.

I'm with the mum here, anyone who tries this with my daughter will not have any authority over them ever! Even if they were a step-parent, it's just not healthy. YTA.

methiliea writes:

It's so sad. Very high chance that this girl will develop an eating disorder later in life. Instead of nitpicking what she eats, she should be encouraged to be more active. OP is cruel and YTA.

Oh, and children do not have a developed enough frontal lobe or understanding to process 'healthier options'. At this age they don't understand the concept of calories nor should they.

It's a parents job to provide healthy food, not a child's job to 'choose it'. All you're giving this child from this is anxiety related to eating. And that's the gateway to eating disorders.

Looks like this stepmom is an AH. What would YOU have done in this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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