Woman refuses to wear strapless bridesmaid dress after mastectomy, causes 'drama.'

When this woman is upset with her friend, she asks Reddit:

'AITA Not wanting to wear a strapless bridesmaids dress after mastectomy?'

The title says it’s all. I (35 female)had a mastectomy 2 months ago do to breast cancer and won’t get reconstructive surgery till after the wedding. Bride (36 female) wants me to wear a strapless dress and says

“I should be proud and embrace my scars and lack of breasts” but easier said then done. I would prefer something with sleeves (even lace I would be fine with). I’m ready to just not be in the wedding I get it’s her wedding but I would never put a “friend” in a uncomfortable situation like that.

Update. I was really upset when writing this so I’m sorry if not much detail was in the post. The wedding is in July.

Back story. I was diagnosed after being ask to be in the wedding. At the time we were close. But drifted apart through treatment. As I didn’t have the energy or want to socialize.

I started with chemo in which I have a port (I will have treatments for about 15 months) so the port can be seen in a strapless as well.

I then had a double mastectomy 2 months ago. (Still waiting to see if I need radiation). I SHOULD have dropped out when I diagnosed but honestly you see all these women and how it’s shown through advertising and I thought okay I will get treatment and be fine right after.

Big mistake on my part. I have been active in the chats and helping organize and plan stuff. But then dress shopping came and everything went down hill. It’s very nice where we live in July and can be very hot.

So she decided on strapless. I asked if I could wear something different and that’s when she lost it. Said this whole year has been about me and she just wants day where my focus is on her and not my illness.

And she didn’t think she was asking much that I wear a strapless. After posting this I gave her some of the suggestions and she lost it again about it being about her and not me. I told her I will no longer be part of the wedding and she said if I wasn’t in the wedding we weren’t friends as I was putting myself above her. So that’s that. AITA?

Let's find out.

purplegreypunk writes:

NTA…it’s easy for her to advocate for self acceptance and celebrating scars, but she’s not the one in your body. If you’re uncomfortable then bow out. ((Hugs)) from an internet stranger!

fatigueerror writes:

NTA You have no obligation to be in the bridal party. Thank her for the invite, but say you just can’t do it. If she blows up over it, no loss. Like you said, a friend wouldn’t be so callous about your feelings.

fututipsum writes:

NTA. Tell her as gracefully as you can 'I'm uncomfortable with the dress, and that's an end to it. But I'll be there, just not as a brides-maid, because it's your day and I love you and will support you one hundred percent from the Bride's Side.'