"AITA for recording my husband?"
Background: My (32f) have been married to my (36m) husband for about a month and I moved to his country after the wedding and that's where we now live. The problem is that my husband never takes my word for it or believes me about anything unless he has solid proof.
For example, I am an English teacher and English is my first language, and his second. He was writing a report the other day and asked me if the word 'nil' was spelt like 'nill' or with one 'l'.
I spelt it correctly for him and he decided that he still needed to Google it to make sure that it's correct. He does this all the time, no matter what. He'll ask me something, only to then Google it or ask someone else.
The other day he went out to work and came home early. Exhausted, he took a nap where he then snored loudly before stealing the blanket off the bed.
I was working next to him as he slept and had to get another blanket as it was cold. I thought it was funny and told him when he woke up. He didn't believe about either thing and asked me for proof. I told him I would record him so that he'd finally believe me when I spoke.
Every night he falls asleep before me so I've been recording him snoring. This morning we got on to the topic of snoring and I told him that he was snoring last night but, again, he didn't believe me. So I told him I had proof this time.
He proceeded to get pissed off at me because I violated his privacy. He also claimed how hurtful it was and how wrong I am, and how I need to see things from his perspective.
I explained to him why I recorded him, referring to our previous conversation, but he claimed to not recall that conversation at all. We're currently not speaking because of how much he blew up about this. So am I wrong to record my husband? AITA?
Let's find out.
predditor writes:
Please get out of this toxic marriage. This man does not respect or trust you as a capable, intelligent human being. He is only interested in being right and retaining control. He is gaslighting you.
This is a form of emotional abuse. He is already wearing you down to the point where you are too exhausted to fight back. Eventually, if you stick around and let him, he will wear you down to the point where you don’t even trust yourself to be right about anything or capable of anything without his input or approval.
This man is deeply insecure and will wield his fragile masculinity like a weapon to destroy your self-esteem and independence. It doesn’t get better. It only gets worse.
The man can’t even trust you to spell a word despite your superior command of the language and you relevant education and training. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being treated this way?
popularsalamander9 writes:
Exactly. My fiancé and I had a similar conversation. I told him the night before he was snoring so loudly I couldn't fall asleep and even nudged him so he would roll or at least wake up long enough for me to fall asleep before it started again.
He didn't believe me in the morning. So the next night I recorded it on my phone, with no mention prior that I was going to do so.
Do you know what he reaction was when I showed him the next day? We laughed about it and he sheepishly said ' Don't show anyone that!'. That's a normal reaction, not the way OP is being treated. NTA.
irishbeast67 writes:
NTA He's gaslighting you. He can never be wrong, and the more wrong you are the better. He asks you for spelling and then googles it so he can throw a wobbly if you give him the wrong spelling.
He dared you to record him, thinking you wouldn't, and then made you the villain when you proved yourself right.
If he's not violent your choice to stay. But you will always lose arguments with him. The more right you are the more 'violated' he will feel.