When this woman is feeling weird about revealing the details of her adoption to her coworkers, she asks Reddit:
So I am (33F). When I was 25, I officially applied to the adoption register. I knew really early on I wanted kids but I don’t have a successful love life so adoption seemed the best case for me.
I also wanted to able to provide for a kid in the care system. I thought I’d get rejected because of my age but I found out I was okay as I was over 21 and I met pretty much all the requirements.
I knew I’d have a long wait to begin with getting checks and stuff done and even potentially getting matched with a kid. I was open minded and due to my age I was willing to adopt a child aged between 0-5.
I didn’t get a match for a really long time and I did when I was 27. He was a beautiful little 15 month old and I even got close to adopting him, but we unfortunately weren’t meant to be.
He clicked better with a couple and I accepted it. I had a few more chances but we weren’t good fits and as I hit my 30s I reallt thought it wouldn’t happen.
Then, I got matched with Lola (fake name) when I was 31. She was 2, came from an abusive background and we got along really well. I opened up my home to her and fostered her for over a year.
She seemed to work really great with me and I started proceedings to adopt her which took a couple of months and it became official only a couple of weeks ago!
Now, I didn’t tell anybody I’d tried to adopt for eight years except for my immediate family.
I didn’t know how it would work out especially even with things going great with Lola. I only told my boss about the adoption as it sometimes interfered with my work and he was really understanding.
I didn’t mention it to my coworkers as I didn’t want to get my hopes up in case Lola ended up going back into care.
Anyway, I’ve worked at my current job a good few years with the same people. I’m still going in as lockdown restrictions have been eased and I finally told them that I was officially a mom.
They had some generic questions and I said Lola was 4 and beautiful and I was really psyched and one of them got really bitchy. She said it was a really shady thing to hide the fact Lola has been living with me for at least 2 years almost and that I’m an AH for hiding my daughters existence.
I never hid her, I just told my family and boss as I didn’t know how well things would be and I didn’t want Lola getting spooked by a bunch of strangers she doesn’t know.
Maybe I could have been a bit more open about my adoption struggles but I’ve waited so long to be a mom and had so much disappointment that I didn’t want to say anything until I was one for sure. AITA?
NTA - why does your coworker feel entitled to information about your personal life and/or an explanation about why you chose not to share some information?
Many people keep their journey toward parenthood (however they are getting there) private, and I don’t see why adoption would be an exception if that’s what you were most comfortable with.
NTA. Do your coworkers tell you every time they try for a baby with their partners? No? Then the process for adopting your daughter ain’t their business.
Their feeling of entitlement towards the private aspects of your life is weird and inappropriate. You were doing what was safest for you and your daughter, and I’m so happy it worked out for you. Congratulations!
NTA. That's almost as bad as the people who b*tch about women with fertility struggles and a history of miscarriage keeping a pregnancy secret until they're sure it's going to take and carry to term.
Seriously, you didn't want to integrate these people into Lola's life until you were sure you were going to get to keep her, and that's a fine and responsible thing and anyone who says otherwise is an asshole.