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Woman asks if she's wrong to make niece feel bad about her weight.

Woman asks if she's wrong to make niece feel bad about her weight.


When this person is upset about her niece, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for making my niece feel bad about her weight?'

My SIL and she daughter are currently living with us. She is going through a nasty divorce. My niece is 19 She is also extremely overweight. Money is really tight for them so we buy most of the food for the house. I am a registered dietitian. I love all aspects of food and how it works with our bodies. I find it fascinating which is why I chose this work.

My husband and I are both very active and eat very healthy. Not in a diet culture/restrictive way, but we limit our processed foods, eat a ton of fruits and vegetables, make as much from scratch as we can, including bread and pasta. We also enjoy cooking together and learning about different foods and a lot of times we do say things to eachother like 'hey, did you know mangos are a great source of folate!' or 'I love that these stuffed mushrooms feel like they shouldn't be a healthy snack, but they are!'

We don't like candy, chips and ice cream and don't eat it much. We only really drink water and tea. I also have a few friends who are similar, and some weekends they come by and we all meal prep or batch cook together, so there are days where we are in the kitchen talking about food and stuff like that all day.

Neither my SIL or niece can really cook so they eat with us often. I try to be accommodating, and I get that everyone doesn't want to eat the way I do, but it is how I eat and I'm doing the cooking, so, yes, there are a lot of plant based and healthy dishes. I also buy some TV dinner type things for them or easy meals they can throw together. I keep a small thing of ice cream in the freezer, but they are always asking for more stuff, that we don't /won't eat.

Last night SIL and I got into an argument and she said I am 'shaming' her daughter and trying to force her onto a diet, and I need to stop parading around how 'perfect' I eat and that I basically have an ED. She says her daughter is super uncomfortable eating around me now. I am going by to add here that I have NEVER, and never would, try to speak to her about the food the way my husband and I do. I wouldn't have those conversations with anyone who isn't interested in hearing about it. AITA?

Lets find out.

dstarpro writes:

The very first thing you did was mention your niece's weight, and that she and your sister in law can't cook. Then you boasted for paragraphs about healthy you and your husband and all your friends are. The post reads with an air of disdain, which the girl is picking up on. Try working with them, experimenting with recipes, asking them what they like or would like to try. Keep the focus off weight, and place it instead on the joys of experiencing all types of foods.

constellation88 writes:

NAH because you just seem to be living your lifestyle and not trying to force it on others. Toxic diet culture and orthorexia have become a huge problem in recent years. Balance is healthy for most people, and I can see why your niece feels shamed by the toxic culture around her. While you, personally, aren't shaming her, your eating style triggers the shame that other 'healthy eaters' push onto others for not eating like they do. This is the only reason I'm saying they're not TA.

Given what you said, your philosophy of food sounds great: loving and being fascinated by how it works with your body. Focusing on the good instead of being all 'NO MSG! ALL PROCESSED FOOD IS TOXIC' like the BS food shamers do.

squirrledepression writes:

NTA. You aren't shaming them by eating healthy. You've been very accommodating by buying food for them that you wouldn't normally eat. You're not preaching at them or criticizing their choices.

I think they are self shaming as they realize other people make healthier choices. Going through a bad divorce and changing living arrangements also add stress that made lead to comfort eating. I would listen to SIL and explain that no one is shaming anyone but you're not changing how you eat to pacify her daughter and you are not pushing anything on her.

If daughter is that upset seeing a healthy diet, SIL might want to seek therapy for her as she has an unhealthy attitude towards food. Remind her that you're happy to have her stay with you but if they don't find it meets their needs, they may have to re-evaluate whether living with you is the right solution.

Well, is OP TA? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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