Woman bans her husband's 'friend' from seeing their child, hubby says, 'relax.'
When this wife is upset with her husband, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for banning my husbands friend from seeing our child?'
Also, you're going to want to read the update at the end...
The opening sounds awful I'm aware but it's the only way I can phrase what's happened; using a throwaway for this. My husband (27 M) and I (26 F) have a daughter(6) together . She's the light of my life and we both adore her.
Now I work a long job that eats up a lot of my time. This often causes missed weekends or long evenings where my husband is looking after her. While I'm gone my husband sometimes has friends around for some company.
This is fine by me as long as they don't do anything that would hinder his ability to care for our child however, beginning around our daughters fourth birthday there has been one friend in particular who always seems to be around.
For the sake of clarity I'll refer to her as Jen. Jen is a single woman who doesn't have kids, she works with my husband and they have been friends for a few years. I have no issue with this and strongly believe a man and woman can be friends but my concerns do lie elsewhere.
On several occasions I have come home to find Jen and my daughter cuddling together on the sofa watching tv, movies etc. At first I thought nothing of it but now it's become constant.
Jen started arriving on my days off to spend time with us, made jokes about being my daughter's nanny and referred to me as an absent mother.
I was appalled, I immediately told her to leave and explained she was no longer welcome in our home or with our child. My husband is annoyed that I kicked her out , calling me selfish and that I was doing it out of guilt that she was right about what she said.
It hurt to not have him see my side. I'm not speaking to him right now due to these comments and I stand by my ban of Jen from our home but his reaction has made me feel unreasonable.
Firstly I haven't always been so work focused, before I had my daughter both me and my husband worked similar hours for similar money. However, when we started trying for a baby we decided we would need to improve our financial situation.
I was the more qualified in our relationship so I was the one who moved careers. Upon having our daughter it was clear that while we could afford childcare it would make more sense for my husband to move to part time while I remained the primary source of income.
I've been working on reducing my hours but due to my husband's reluctance to move to full time it's been difficult. My marriage has always been very important to me and seeing so many people suggest that he may be cheating breaks my heart.
The entire situation has brought a lot of strain to our relationship and I feel like it's entirely my own doing, I appreciate the concern but I could never imagine him doing anything to harm our family.
Him not supporting me on the Jen issue is a first and was quite shocking and out of character; I plan on speaking to him about it as soon as he gets home tonight.
My ban on Jen comes after many small remarks and actions that have made me uncomfortable but after reading through your advice I realize now that I didn't take my daughter into account.
I will also be contacting Jen to try and work out a way for us to move forward with her instead of banning her completely. AITA?
Let's find out.
mishy162 writes:
I agree, sounds like if they aren't already having an affair, they soon will be. If OP's husband doesn't see the problem with the comment, he is in too deep with this person and some serious discussions need to be had about boundaries. NTA.
littlebear09 writes:
NTA. Very weird if your SO doesn’t see this. He may be harbouring some resentment towards your work, since he’s left to solo care a lot. I can relate. But if I start spending days and days round the house with another 'caregiver' who is also a friend and a female I like, I know I’m already building a new life there.
Then, OP shares this horrifying update:
I can't even put into words how I am feeling currently. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse but due to the numerous comments saying this sounded like an unfaithful husband I decided to trust but verify.
I rang some people and just generally asked around. After receiving some shocking news I asked my husband who broke down and explained that he and Jen had previously gone behind my back late in my pregnancy and after our child's birth, only stopping due to his guilt. Im stunned I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like my family has been ruined. Ive taken time off work to decide what I'm going to do, my husband suggested couples therapy but I don't know if I can forgive him. My daughter is my priority right now.