When this woman is upset with her SIL and brother, she asks Reddit:
I have never gotten along with my SIL. I find her to be lazy, selfish, loud and demanding. The only good thing about her are my three nephews (ages 5 to 12).
My brother and SIL are flat broke from their various business ventures and are really struggling. I've stepped up many times with financial assistance. For example, I'm the one who paid for my nephews' extracurricular activities.
Recently, their financial situation got so bad that they can barely afford groceries. They were literally splitting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
That was unacceptable and I offered to buy them weekly groceries. They accepted my help.
I don't do online grocery shopping because most of the time they get the order wrong or don't have what I want. So I just go to the store. I'd get an email from my bro or SIL asking for stuff. I'd buy their groceries with mine and then drop their stuff off.
It's not the money that annoys me, it's the extra work of bagging and going on the opposite direction of my house to drop off their stuff. Again, I do it for my nephews and it gives me a chance to see them.
This week I did the grocery shopping on my lunch break and texted my SIL to come outside to get their stuff. My brother was out on interviews and my nephews were at school.
She just said to leave the groceries on the door step. I said I'm not UberEATS. I'm doing you a favor by feeding your family so give me the respect of at least coming to your door and acknowledging me. Show me some respect for the time, money and effort that I've put in.
No, she wasn't in a situation to where she could not have taken a minute to do this. She was probably on social media.
She came to the door and had a bad attitude. I told her that if my buying and dropping off groceries was 'too much' work for her then I won't do it anymore.
Later my brother called to find out what happened and I told him. He said my SIL said I was volatile towards her and she didn't understand why. I told him that she knew and now I'm not doing Xmas if she doesn't get on the phone to apologize to me.
She did and blamed her 'hormones.' I told her that I don't care about her hormones. I'm not going to let her disrespect me and let her think that she gets a pass by blaming her hormones.
So, yes, I'll cancel Xmas if she's going to be rude to me. I'd hate for that to happen but that's on my brother and SIL to burden.
And it's not her hormones. She's always had this nasty attitude. It's not new.
If she had a good reason as to why she couldn't answer the door then she would had said so. AITA?
NTA, it's basic respect to come out and help unload and say thank you when people bring you stuff, especially if that stuff is FOOD FOR YOUR KIDS.
Look, your SIL's attitude sucks. She's not grateful. She should be a better person, but she's not.
I think you should just accept this is the person you SIL is. Why make things contingent on her apology? It's going to be a fake forced apology anyway and it won't make her a better more grateful person.
You need to tell yourself 'knowing my SIL is an ungrateful asshole, do I want to buy the family groceries/host Christmas?' You are doing this for the kids, you say. And it's not the kids fault their mom sucks.
So don't do things for the kids contingent on SIL being the ray of sunshine she isn't. Either do it for the kids you care about despite SIL, or don't do it. But don't set the kids up to only get something if their mom comes through, if that was happening they wouldn't need you to buy groceries.
Have you already told the kids you are hosting or doing whatever it is for Christmas? If you have, personally I'd keep your word. The children have no control of their parents behavior.
Even if you haven't told them, I personally would still want to do something for Christmas for the boys, since it really sucks to be a kid with no holidays and not even have any food beacuse school is out.
It's not your job, but if you care about them and you were going to do something kind for them, it sort of sucks to make that contingent on their mother being decent.
There mother isn't decent, we already know that, and so saying 'you can have food and presents on Christmas but only if you can somehow make your mom be nice' is really rough.
NTA, husband is working and kid are in school but what is she doing??? She doesnt have 5 min to get to the door?? I think SIL is living the life while everyone does everything around her. Just stop buying them things and if SIL wants food she can go out and buy it herself. Im sure she wont buy your groceries even if you pay for them.