Woman doesn't like the way her boyfriend's family eats. Has 'breakdown' at lunch.
When this woman feels like she made a mistake, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not wanting to share my food when we eat out?'
It's not a sharing problem as it is an organization problem. Hear me out. My boyfriend (26M) and I(26F) went to have some coffee/lunch last Sunday. He suggested having a coffee with his dad. I had some free time, so I said yes. Turns out that it wasn't just my boyfriend, his parents and I.
His bro (23M) and new girlfriend (28F) were there as well. No problem to me, it was the 1st time his bro introduced his girlfriend to us, and in general I get really nervous around people and going out in social events of all kinds. I'm socially awkward. My bf, he's a social butterfly.
Anyways, my understanding of the situation was the following: each person pays for their own. So, we sat down and proceed to order. My bf suggested we order the 'tea for 4' and his dad order something on the side. So I take my time ordering exactly what I wanted to eat. I'm vegetarian so I was careful about it.
Everybody order something different. I thought each was going to eat what they order. However, when the food arrived (tiny bites, lots of things but tiny) my bf proceeded to cut everything in even smaller portions so everybody could eat everything.
I was confused. I ask for a cheesecake and some only cheese sandwiches (the rest had ham meat and so on). My bf offered me the tiny piece of cheesecake and proceed to eat a small part of it. I was nearly losing it. I can't take it. I got really anxious and say 'dude, don't mess around, don't be annoying' his family gasped as if I said something serious, and he said 'oh yes, A (me) doesn't like to share' in front of everyone. I was really nervous and pissed off.
My mood instantly changed. Nonetheless I tried to stay calmed and engage in the conversations, I dropped the subject since it was not the moment to talk about it. I told him a couple of days later that I thought what he did was kinda off. He said that I was being petty and unable to share, In his family everybody eats everything 'it's good up for grabs'. I insisted that saying that in front of all of then was not OK.
And not wanting to share everything when I clearly don't eat meat or dislike other things they order is no a crime. I am a very anxious person. I like to know how everything is going to be, and I expected to eat what I order and instead I had to eat half of what I wanted. And his final argument was 'my dad paid for everything. It's like this in this family' and they won't even accept my money or anything. I know it's a stupid thing but AITA?
Let's find out.
teresaj writes:
NTA. His family may be okay with sharing food, but he knows you don't share food. Your BF should never have put his hands on your food. Early in our relationship, my husband would ask for some of my meal as soon as it was set in front of me. Like, I would order a meal I wanted, the server would bring it out, and DH would say, 'That looks good. Can I have some?'.
Or sometimes, he would reach out his fork as if he was going to take some off my plate. It took a few times of telling him, but he eventually learned that he shouldn't ask for a bite of my food until after I had had some and it has started to cool. And if he reached out to take food off my plate, he was going to end up getting poked with my fork. You don't mess with other people's food.
cloudyNY writes:
NTA- Next time announce, when everyone first sits down, that due to your dietary restrictions you WILL PAY FOR YOURSELF and ONLY EAT YOUR OWN MEAL and NOONE CAN TOUCH IT!
Be firm but forthright and let them know that's how it will be for every meal, always. And have a good long talk with your boyfriend with the blinders on. He needs to have his eyes opened to the outside world. His families' ways are not everybody's ways and he needs to grow up.