When this stepmom is concerned that she was being inappropriate, she asks Reddit:
Earlier today, I (28F) wore a high neck tank top and sweat pants while lounging around the house, just watching TV and doing a puzzle on the coffee table. It's the weekend, so my 14 year old step son doesn't have school and was just in the house, doing his own thing.
We crossed paths a couple of times but weren't hanging out. Nature happened, and my nipples got hard. I know, what a horror. My husband (34M) says it was inappropriate for me not to wear a bra with a tight shirt on while his son is home. Mind you, I usually don't wear a bra. Not even in public. When I do, it's a bralette that you can still see my nipples through if they get hard, so it wouldn't have made much of a difference.
I guess it's just that this was a tight tank top, although it was high neck, so there wasn't cleavage (not that I have much anyway). I asked my husband if his son had said anything to him about it; if he said he was uncomfortable about it, I might have changed my shirt.
But he said no, his son hadnt said anything, but that he (my husband) noticed it right away and didnt want his son to see, and he asked me to go put a looser t shirt on instead.
I said no, this is my body in its natural state, I'm not doing anything wrong, inappropriate, or sexual by existing in my own home. It's not like my shirt is see-through. It's a black tank top. I told him that if he's worried about his teenage son's perception of my body and perhaps his inappropriate thoughts, maybe he should have a conversation with HIM, not me.
I didn't change my shirt, my husband's mad at me and hasnt spoken to me since (I'm assuming he won't until I change), and he says I'm being an asshole for not changing my shirt and choosing to 'show off my nipples to his kid.' His son doesn't even seem to have noticed to be honest. So, am I the asshole for wearing a tank top around my stepson and refusing to change my shirt?
NTA. It does seem to be apparent that your husband sees you as a primarily sexual object versus his wife though. To assume his son is sexualizing you instead of allowing or assuming his son to be, I don’t know, a uninterested teenager is an interesting choice. Maybe a conversation with your husband should be in order.
NTA- If stepson is unbothered, that's actually awesome because he won't sexualize those who aren't in that market for him, and he'll save that for his own relationships. If your husband has this issue, it means he's probably sexualizing women who aren't you, and has a sort of pseudo claim (in his mind) that he has control over you since you are his wife.
NAH. Stepson has noticed. Everyone notices, regardless of shirt color. Most people just don't say anything. Guaranteed that stepson isn't super enthused about your not wearing a bra and it's probably awkward for him. But also I get why you don't feel the need to hide what a natural body looks like. Neither view is right or wrong.