Also, after all is said in done, OP shares a very weird update. Be on the lookout for that.
My boyfriend (30M) has a daughter, Hailey (11f). Haileys mother left when she was around 1 and my boyfriend is pretty uninvolved as a father.
When Hailey was 6 months old her mom was dealing with some mental health issues so my boyfriend hired a nanny, Laura, to do everything baby related. He had Laura move in within a couple months of Halley’s mom leaving and Laura is still working for my boyfriend today.
Laura is very close with my boyfriend’s family. She’s with the family every holiday and honestly I think they like her better than me. My boyfriend says she’s become a good friend over the years and he and Laura go out at least once a month. And Laura is extremely involved in Hailey’s life.
She’s room mom at her school (I didn’t know you could be room mom without being a mom), she’s at every play, concert, soccer game, etc., she even goes to Hailey’s therapy appointments.
Hailey doesn’t do anything for herself because of Laura. Laura wakes her up, packs her backpack and lunch and does her hair every morning and does homework with her every afternoon. She tucks Hailey in every night and sits with her until she falls asleep.
Hailey is very attached to Laura and Laura is to Hailey. Laura even takes Hailey out with her on her days off. I feel like they're so close it's creepy. Hailey has been disinterested in getting closer with me and her dad and I honestly think it’s because of Laura.
I was talking to my boyfriend and said that Hailey’s too attached to Laura and suggested that he be more involved in Hailey’s life since he’s now in a better position to be a father and we can have Laura move out.
Hailey heard us and is heartbroken and terrified. She’s refusing to speak to me or leave Laura’s side. She’s faked being sick at school so many times this week that they don’t want her to come back today. Laura says Hailey hasn’t been sleeping and is worried about her.
My boyfriend is blaming me for all of this but there’s no way I could’ve known that Hailey would be eavesdropping or that she’d get this scared. Am I the asshole here?
Well let’s see, she’s got no bio mom, dad is uninvolved, and you’re letting your jealousy and insecurities destroy the only parental relationship she’s ever known. Oh, and she’s not your stepdaughter. She’s your boyfriend’s daughter.
AND your boyfriend should step up for his daughter and get more involved, but that’s a gradual process that doesn’t begin with throwing out the only mom your bf’s daughter has ever known. YTA. Like, asshole of the month so far.
IMO she’s a top contender for asshole of the year - a bold claim since we are not even halfway through January but when a supposed adult is trying to remove the only stable influence a child has in their life because they are jealous that they aren’t as beloved as the person who literally raised the child? Yeppers, that’s grade A, 100% YTA.
faropening 859 writes:
YTA. Massively so. You enter Hailey's life, and the first thing you do is destroy the one constant in her life? The one thing that has been consistent, and she could always count on. Hailey needs a lot of therapy, and a lot less of you!
Laura left with Hailey today. Apparently Hailey’s mental state has only gotten worse and she’s hoping that getting Hailey away from “triggers” (me) and an intensive therapy program will prevent her from being hospitalized. Hailey also left me a card saying that she hates me and wants me to leave.