When this mom is concerned, she asks Reddit:
My family went on vacation to Paris and we took our children’s nanny, Hannah, with us. Hannah mentioned how she had never been to Paris before and there were so many places she’d like to see one day if she ever had the chance to come back.
I told her she could always go see them now as we were already in Paris but she didn’t think the kids would enjoy the places she wanted to go. I told her not to worry about the kids and she could have the rest of our time in Paris to herself.
That same day, my husband told me he had made dinner reservations for the two of us. I told him we would have to take the kids because I gave Hanna some time off. He asked me why I would do that and I explained the conversation we had.
He was upset and told me he wanted to spend some time with me which was the reason he had told me to ask Hannah to come to Paris with us.
I told him we would still be spending time together but as a family which would be good for the children who don’t get to spend as much time with their dad as I wish they did.
Even though we had a good time as a family, he was still upset with me by the time we flew home and still insists that I should’ve spoken to him first even though he usually leaves things regarding Hannah and the kids up to me. I crossed a line according to him by not communicating.
He’s also suggested the next time we go somewhere we should leave the children at home with Hannah for a few days which caused a fight between us as he knows I would never in a million years agree to that. AITA?
NAH, but you guys should work on communicating better. It seems like your husband wants to spend some alone time with you which is totally fine - it's easy to forget that you're not justparents but also in a romantic relationship.
You on the other hand want to spend some quality time as a family which is valid, too. And it's absolutely okay to give the nanny some time off as well.
This needs to be an ongoing conversation on how to manage both expectations. For the future I suggest planning the next day in the evening before.
YTA. Your husband is right that it wasn't your place to unilaterally decide to give the nanny time off without consulting him.
It was a nice thing to do and hopefully he would have agreed (perhaps just having her work one more night so that you could have some alone time), but you should have discussed it first.
NTA. I have a feeling your husband likes to call himself a dad without actually being one. He seems to work a lot, he doesn’t spend any time with your kids and when you do have “family time” your nanny Hannah is always there. Am I correct?
Generally speaking I do think you should have talked to him before giving her five days off out of nine but at the same time I have a feeling you’re leaving out A LOT.
You’re NTA, mainly because I suspect that you need a bunch of internet strangers to tell you that there’s something wrong with your marriage. Take care OP, I hope you, Hannah and the kids are going to be okay.