Man tells girlfriend to stop 'competing with his dead father.'
When this man is angry at his gf, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop competing with a ghost?'
My(25m) father (deceased) studied to be a chef but life got in the way and had to do something else, but he kept his cooking skills.
Every Saturday or Sunday, he prepared us a 5-course meal for the family. We (family) are not that good but we get together at least 2 times a month and cook some of the dishes that he used to prepare for us.
My gf (26f) also likes to cook and she is very good at it. She has been part of said tradition (as a guest) and knows the many plates my father made for us.
Now, for the past 6 months she has invited me to eat at her house, she has made every said plates, I didn’t find it strange at the beginning but after a couple of times, every time that she asked me how it was, no matter how much I tell her that it was very good, she somehow ends up dissatisfied with my answer. I have asked her what was the issue but got no answer.
A few days ago, she made my favorite dish and dessert. After I basically stuff my face, she asked me how it was and I told her it was freaking delicious. She started with how delicious?
I answered her with 30 different ways of delicious and she was still not satisfied. Then she asked the question, better than your dad’s? And I understood why she was not satisfied.
This is what I said to her and what possibly makes me the asshole: “Please don’t do that because I will never compare the two of you. Your food is delicious, I mean, I eat half a pot in one sit of how good it was.
But if you want me to tell you that you are better than my old man, I’m sorry but it won’t happen and it’s not because of the level of your cuisine but for the mere fact that you are not my old man.
You’re good on your own right. I look forward to eating your food just as much as I did every weekend he cooked for us. He’s gone, please stop competing with a ghost because you’re fighting a losing battle.”.
She ended up kicking me out and things have been icy between us. She never met my father, we met 2 years after he passed away.
I neither my family has compared her food or my brother's partners to our father's or anyone. Our grandma (dad's mother) did that (to us not them) and we made her cut it out because we know it's just plain rude.
When we get together we're not babbling about our father, we know it would be a drag. We catch up about what we're are doing while someone cooks. If one of them brings a dish, we happily eat it.
If there's something we can be wrong when we go to mom's house, it's that we don't let them cook (mom's request). My brothers or I are the ones who do it and we do it because we have many mannerism from our father.
Although we are not him, it's like he is here. If they want to help, we let them help but we are mainly in charge. We mostly cook what our father's used to prepare, but we also do other things.
If one of them invite us to their place, we all happily go and eat whatever they prepare because they're also very good at it.
Anyway, after I said all that she ended up kicking me out and things have been icy between us. AITA?
Let's find out.
irishwhiskey writes:
NTA. If my partner was demanding I specifically say she was better at something than my dead father or the relationship was over, I'd be seriously worried about her and looking for the door.
It's fine to want praise, not to demand to be held higher than a dead loved one, or anyone really. Some insecurity is understandable and you should affirm and praise her effort. But this is too far.
missbagels writes:
NTA, you handled this with so much grace. She was way out of line to begin with, and her reaction was even worse. Is she generally overly competitive or narcissistic in other areas? I think this is on her to apologize, profusely, and you can decide if you accept it or not.
zealousideal90 writes:
NTA, and as a girl I think your gf sounds psychotic. To try and replace a memory of your dead father? Wtf kinda bullshit is that. You told her her food was good, delicious even, if that’s not enough she’s not the one for you.
Someone who wouldn’t rather enjoy the memory of your father together and instead wants to replace it isn’t a good person.