Woman refuses to participate in boyfriend's 'weird family Christmas hazing tradition.'
When this woman is annoyed with her boyfriend, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to participate in my boyfriend's weird 'family tradition'?'
My bf and I have been dating for a few months, and he invited me to meet his family for the first time for Christmas dinner.
According to him, it's his brother's (he has three) family tradition to make new partners wear an ugly Christmas sweater of their choosing as a 'rite of passage' (his words) for entering the family.
At first I thought the concept was cute (I had imagined things like Santa getting stuck in a chimney, lights, bells, etc). but when they mailed me the sweater my jaw dropped.
It was probably the most vulgar Christmas sweater I've seen (without getting into it, let's just say that Santa was making gestures/participating in an act that was not ok for children to see).
I personally thought it was gross, and it was bad enough that if someone at work saw me wear it I'd definitely get in trouble.
I told my boyfriend that in no way would I wear this, but he said I was being a wet blanket and unsupportive of his family tradition. I said I'd wear any other sweater and would even pay for one myself, but he just called me a spoil sport.
I do love my boyfriend, so I actually considered wearing it and asking people to not take photos as a compromise, but the day of the party I decided to not wear it last minute. I had to drive separately from work so my boyfriend didn't know about this prior.
When his brother opened the door, he eyed me up and down and I could tell he wasn't happy that I didn't wear the sweater. My boyfriend was really pissed when he saw me, and we argued in the guest room for a little bit.
His brothers teased me for being uptight, and I could tell the jokes embarrassed my boyfriend. I ended up leaving the party early without my boyfriend, and we've been fighting via text since.
Now I'm thinking that I was an AH for taking the joke too seriously. AITA?
Let's find out.
camoboy78 writes:
NTA.I honestly thought by the title, it was one those cheesy ugly sweaters, but it seems. Like it wasn’t that. It also seems like, they want to turn you into the butt of joke for the evening. Also I’m guessing none of the males wore ugly sweaters either.
forsakenwoodpecker writes:
Honestly, if a family has a a habit of hazing new partners, the best thing you can do for yourself is to set proper expectations immediately and not play along. Starting out with them in a compliant “don’t rock the boat” attitude is just kicking the can down the road.
If they’re testing your threshold for compliance and abuse, then non-compliance is key.
If they’re just mean people who are more concerned with their own hilarity (eyeroll) than they are with making a guest feel welcome, then again, you’re telling them right up front to leave you out of it. NTA.
And depending on your bf’s willingness to protect you now, in the beginning, when you’re still in the honeymoon phase and everyone is on their best behavior, really take a long hard look at this family’s dynamics.
With the expectation that the first year or two are when everyone’s putting their best foot forward, the inference is that it’s all downhill from here.
You really looking down the road and seeing a good outcome here?
fantasticfour89 writes:
NTA A funny, ugly Christmas sweater is one thing, but sounds like they were trying to make you as uncomfortable as possible.
I would expect more of this kind of behaviour from your bf and his family and think about whether you want to be a part of that...
My sister once dated this guy whose family tradition was to put all family members on a scale at Christmas and broadcast how much weight they gained or lost to everyone.
That was far from the only toxic behaviour the boyfriend and his family showed, but that one was definitely the worst.