Teenage girl refuses to go to sibling therapy, says 'there's no hope for this family.'
When this girl is annoyed with her sister and family, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for saying I won't go to therapy anymore?'
This is the deal: my sister (14f) and I (17m) have been in therapy together for 6 months now. We were close when she was little and then our mom died and our dad remarried.
My sister adores dad's wife and called her mom from almost the beginning and then she later adopted her.
Dad's wife wanted to adopt me too but I didn't want to be adopted and I was never in the mindset that she was now my mom. I was 9 when she and dad married and my sister was 6.
My sister has always been bothered by my not calling dad's wife mom and by turning down the adoption.
She corrects me when I say stepmother or dad's wife and I correct her if she says our mom (I don't correct her when she says my mom when talking about their relationship).
It has caused many problems. My dad put me into therapy and tried to find some reason for me to say no to the adoption, saying it was a good thing to have happen.
He also wanted me to drop the step occasionally where I never considered her my mom and I was go as far as saying I don't count her in terms of my parents. My dad's wife has made it clear she would love to adopt me still and wants me to consider it.
My relationship with my sister has gone to hell. We argue a lot. She's hurt I reject our stepmother as my mom. I hate the way she expects me to call stepmom mom and allow her to adopt me. I started to avoid her because of the arguing.
She started telling everyone who would listen that I was wrong. Dad got us therapy together when I declared in the middle of her correcting me and saying how wrong I am that I could not wait to move out because I won't have to deal with this shit.
We're on our second therapist but therapy doesn't help. My sister has talked about how much more secure she would feel if I called our stepmother mom and how much it hurts her that I don't love the woman to embraced us and how she feels like we're less siblings because of it.
The therapists both tried to help explain it to her to no avail and she's on me worse than before because she has heard my feelings from me.
I said I was done with therapy. I told my dad our relationship might just be a lost cause until she can let it go. He told me I can't stop therapy and I would be an asshole to stop when it's important for our family. AITA?
Let's find out.
mm172 writes:
NTA, but since the therapist is on your side here, maybe you can enlist their help in convincing your dad that your sister is the one who needs to come to terms with it being okay for you two to have different feelings on this, and that individual therapy might help get to the root of why she can’t let it go.
thaliagorgon writes:
I completely agree you are NTA but since you have a therapist who understands and supports you I’d keep going even just to have a safe place to vent your frustration.
Also I’d talk to the therapist about talking to your dad and explaining that your sister needs to respect your feelings and let this go. It sounds like you’re respectful of her feelings and don’t criticize her for embracing your step mother as her mother, she’s old enough to give you the same respect.
lovelymadameth writes:
NTA, fact of the matter is, if your dad remarried when she was 6, she probably doesn't remember your real mom at all, but you definitely do.
You both aren't that far off in years in the grand scheme of things, but in regards to those years of cognitive memory development, you two are aeons apart.
I would just say that, 'you don't remember our real mom, but I do, and I can't replace her as easily as you can because I remember her, but I can understand that you can't and just want to be able to have a mom. For me though, I had my mom, and she's still important to me and still my mom even if she's not here'.