Woman 'humiliates' stepsister's BF after he insults her hair.
When this woman is frustrated with her sister's BF, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for pretending not to understand a joke so that my step sister’s boyfriend would have to explain it?'
I (18f) live with my dad, his wife Hannah, Hannah’s daughter Grace (20f), and our younger brother (8m). Grace really only comes to stay on the weekends since she’s in college, and this time she brought her boyfriend Issac (21m) with her.
I’m biracial, my dad is white and my mom is black. Honestly I don’t look anything like my dad so most people don’t even think I am mixed. We like to joke that I got his personality instead of his looks.
People tend to say offhanded stuff to me about how I don’t look the way they think I’m “supposed to”.
I’m kind of used to it especially since my dad ended up married to a woman that is also white so like every time I’m with them it obviously looks like I’m the odd one out. I’m not afraid to correct people, but sometimes that gets exhausting and I’ll just play dumb instead.
Grace and I had planned to get lunch together and her bf Issac ended up coming along with us. She wants him and I to get to know each other better since she really likes him, so I figured that’s why she brought him.
While we were having lunch, my mom’s side of the family was brought up, and then Issac said that it must’ve been a shock to my dad at least for me to end up so dark since most mixed kids are lighter in complexion than I am.
But then he said that at least I ended up with “good hair” so I didn’t lose out completely.
Grace didn’t speak up and say anything to him about it, so I pretended not to understand what he meant and asked what was so good about my hair and what it was he thought I was losing out on anyway.
He got flustered and said “well you know…most girls with your skintone have curlier hair.”
So then I asked why he thought my hair was good just because it wasn’t that curly. He said he felt it just looked nicer. So I asked why he thought that textured hair didn’t look just as nice.
He kept blubbering out excuses and digging the hole even deeper for himself, and finally Grace told me to cut it out and leave him alone.
I paid for my part of lunch and left after that. I didn’t tell my dad or Hannah what happened, but it’s obvious enough that Grace is mad at me. My dad asked that she and I solve whatever the problem is, because he hates seeing us be so tense around each other.
Grace ended up telling me that she was pissed because I made her boyfriend look like a jerk by playing dumb.
I told her that I didn’t have to make him look like a jerk because he already was one, but she said that I drew the problem out more than necessary and made it worse than it needed to be when I could’ve just told him that he f’ed up.
I mean I could have done that, but I don’t think it should be my job to, and plus I feel like it was probably more effective to get him to explain his logic outloud rather than have me tell him he was being a jerk.
Grace is insisting that I should have just told him point blank, and bc I didn’t, she thinks I’m an AH. AITA?
Let's find out.
comfortabledress78 writes:
Hi there. I am also biracial (black and white) and was raised by my blond haired blue eyed white mom.
So i can empathize with having to deal with very frequent micro (and sometimes macro) aggressions. Playing dumb is often the most effective way to get people to comprehend their own prejudice.
Grace is angry because she has to either admit she is willing to accept that her boyfriend has these beliefs (unfortunately common for people to think this way), she and her boyfriend may both need to work on their own beliefs, or maybe end things (? Probably not unless this was a tip of the iceberg comment).
Anyways!!! Good for you. NTA.
sunsetflower32 writes:
I love that you said that. I have a friend who is black like me, and told me how a white female at her job keeps asking to touch her hair.
No matter how many times she says no the girl continues to ask. Her coworker had even said “your hair is calling me, I need to touch it”. My friend has now reached the point where she feels she should talk to her and really explain why she said no.
And I keep telling my friend it’s not her job. Her coworker is a grown women and should know that no means no. And that it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t get why it’s wrong because she’s white.
kouturecrochet writes:
NTA. The boyfriend said some extremely racist trash as “a joke”. But it was predicated on racist hateful notions he has about blackness. It is NOT your job to coddle those people. And your sister does NOT get to tell you how to respond to other peoples racist nonsense.
And it doesn’t speak well of your sister that she’s more concerned about coddling their racist notions than being decent towards you.
You didn’t ruin anything. His racist comments did. I don’t know if her boyfriend is a racist or not but his comments were.