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Mom tells 16yo daughter, 'AND?' when she comes out as BI. AITA? Daughter is furious.

Mom tells 16yo daughter, 'AND?' when she comes out as BI. AITA? Daughter is furious.


When this mom doesn't know how to she's supposed to react to her daughter, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for telling my 16yr old “AND?” When she came out as Bi to her sister & I a few weeks back?'

So I (36f) & DH(38m) adopted 2 bio sisters fostering them for many years. My oldest Anna (19f), her BFF London (18f) & I were sitting at our dining room table going over budgets because they want to move out together & wanted to know what they could afford. With the way our house is situated where I was sitting at the table I could see our stairs going upstairs, the living room & the front door.

When Anna, London & I first sat down Madison (16f) burst through the front & stormed up the stairs & proceeded to slam her bedroom door. Par for the course of teenage girl living but I asked Anna & BFF if they knew what that was about.

They both said no. I thought that Madison was supposed to be hanging out with friends that day. I wasn’t even expecting her home til way later. I gifted Anna a budget journal & told her & BFF to start filling in some of the info & I was going to go check on her sister.

I went upstairs & knocked on Madison’s door so yelled go away. I poked my head in saw she was crying & told her I just wanted to check on her, see if she wanted to talk & invite her down. She said no & I left her alone to sort things out with plans to go back up once I was done helping her sister. So about an hour later we we’re just finishing up the budgets & I see my youngest walk down the stairs & stand in the middle of the living room looking like she was steeling herself to come say something.

I called out to her & startling her when I asked if she was alright. She straightened up strode into the dining room closed her eyes and yelled, “Mom I’m Bi! I’m sorry but that’s how it is! Please don’t be mad or try & change my mind! It is made up!!” I calmly asked if she was done shouting and simply said, “AND?” She was stunned. Her sister & BFF said, “ Duh we’ve known for years!” In unison.

I shushed them & had them go start dinner for me. I turned to start talking to my youngest & was greeted by her fleeing out the front door. I chased after her catching up with her on the corner, thank heavens for traffic! She was bawling telling me I didn’t care about her & other things. I grabbed her shoulders telling her I love her & didn’t understand.

She broke free & ran away again. She came home hours later but wouldn’t talk to me still. She hasn’t talked to me since. Help!! AITA? What do I do to fix this? I genuinely don’t care if she is Bi. She could come home with the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater for all I care! As long as she’s happy! AITA?

Let's find out.

hammocks8 writes:

Sorry but YTA. I know people on AITA think this is fine but 'we knew for years' and 'so?' as responses to something that was clearly VERY IMPORTANT to your sixteen year old, who has agonized over this (in the wake of some really scary anti-queer stuff happening, in the US at least) and was clearly scared of the reaction even though you've been open about.

(that's not always a guarantee of acceptance either, there are a lot of parents out there who are okay with queer people until it's their kid). She was looking for love and reassurance, not a blithe 'so?'

impressivecat50 writes:

NTA. Your response, “and?” Was trying to express to her that you’re not upset by her coming out, and that her being bi is not a big deal (in terms of, she can be attracted to/date anyone, and she is still the same in your eyes).

But she understandably misinterpreted it as something along the lines of, “why do I care?”. This is a simple misunderstanding that hopefully a sit down chat will clear up once the dust settles.

drburneracct writes:

NAH !! The problem you did not anticipate is you and your daughter were not at all on the same page. She was expecting her being BI to be earth shattering news, and you were in a completely different mental place, where its no news at all…

Thus, you now have a different challenge - You and she need to have a heart to heart. Make it clear that by your “AND”, you wanted to communicate your 100% lack of judgement . That does not mean you understand her feelings, or situation, or personal stress when realizing this change in her life. Unless you are BI yourself, you’ll probably never completely understand, but its important to talk and be there for her.

Looks like the internet is a bit torn on this one. Is OP TA? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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