21 of the funniest tweets from parents who dared to be honest about their kids.

Jun 20, 2023 | 10:52 AM

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Raising children is often a beautiful journey of wondering why every surface in the house is suddenly sticky, haggling your way out of an aisle 3 temper tantrum, and trying to come up with an answer when a 5-year-old asks, 'what's the point of life?'

So, if you could certainly use a cathartic laugh to get you through the chaos of your daily parenting grind, here are the funniest tweets we could find from parents who aren't afraid to tell the truth. Sometimes you just have to vent to a collection of internet strangers about your precious little miracle bundle of screaming joy.

1.

Was driving the other day and heard my daughter whisper “mom he’s staring at you” so, very alarmed, I looked at the car next to me.

It was a dog. A dog was staring at me.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 14, 2023

2.

my ex is a chef and my son is always talking about how his dads food tastes good and my food tastes bad so i bought some hamburger helper and totinos party pizzas and i’m about to blow his fucking mind
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) March 13, 2023

3.

"UGH WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SMELL?!" my 6yo yells as she walks into the kitchen.

My cooking. The smell was my cooking.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 15, 2023

4.

Me: I thought you were going to clean your room today.
Daughter: My body didn’t allow it.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 12, 2023

5.

My 5y told me he needs 21,000 seconds of alone time, and honestly, same
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 2, 2023

6.

"Next time can you make something I like?"

*my kid leaving a review about his school lunch
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) March 2, 2023

7.

If by crossfit, you mean vacuuming the house while holding a toddler that doesn’t want to be held but also doesn’t want to be set down then yes, I do crossfit.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 2, 2023

8.

When I was a kid I couldn’t wait to be the one in charge of dinner every night. Idiot.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 2, 2023

9.

*marathon runners passing our car*

Me: cheer them on guys!

My kids:

*3 hours later in the Home Depot parking lot as shoppers pass*

My 8yo: *rolls down window and threateningly yells* YOU BETTER KEEP RUNNING!
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 2, 2023

10.

I have one intelligent child who is designing a parachute and, putting this as politely as I can, I have another child willing to try the parachute.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2023

11.

Our former nanny is pregnant and while I’m happy for her I’m mostly just relieved that my kids didn’t ruin her desire to be a parent
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 12, 2023

12.

You know what most people like? Milk on cereal. You know what my toddler thinks is criminal? Milk on cereal.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) March 22, 2023

13.

My toddler is independent AS LONG as I'm just sitting and watching her. The second I want to cook dinner or do anything? Absolute fucking meltdown. I sit down again and she's fine and wants nothing to do with me
— Canadian Momma (@momma_jos) March 20, 2023

14.

*rubbing my temples while playing with my toddler* ok but you’re not abiding by the basic rules of improv
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) March 15, 2023

15.

my toddler loves pizza and loves bagels so I figured I'd notch an easy win and make him his first pizza bagel and holy shit I've never been so wrong in my life
— Ben Purkert (@BenPurkert) March 19, 2023

16.

My kid just told me he needs to take 120 of something to school tomorrow, so his choices are cheerios or my tears
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 16, 2023

17.

Sometimes I look at my 13yo daughter and marvel at how smart she is, how beautiful she’s getting, and how the hell she wakes up after sleeping for 10 hours without having to immediately run to the bathroom and pee.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 13, 2023

18.

If you didn’t enjoy doing homework the first time you may not want to have kids
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 2, 2023

19.

5yo: when I grow up I’m gonna pick such a good grandma for my kids

Me: it’ll be me

5yo: eh, probably not
— Emily Adrian (@adremily) March 2, 2023

20.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Until you’re racing through the airport with a toddler losing their mind.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 3, 2023

21.

my daughter announced yesterday that she’d like to be a demon when she dies “because she thinks she’d like the work”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 10, 2023

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