Parenting

<p>Raising kids can be beautiful and also deeply draining and demoralizing.</p><p>Luckily, the internet is the ideal place to log on and make jokes, talk trash, and let off some steam after a long day of thankless parenting.</p><p>Whether you&#39;re a new parent, you&#39;ve been in the trenches a long time, or you&#39;re just witnessing it all from afar, these funny tweets from exhausted parents might hit the spot.</p><h2>1.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.</p>&mdash; LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) <a href="https://twitter.com/LLcoooltweet/status/1534261654518652939?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 7, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>2.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I am very, very sick but a neighbor just rode his bike down the street screaming &quot;WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY MORE ANIMALS!!!&quot; while being chased by his 3 small children on their (decreasingly smaller) bikes who kept chanting &quot;HAMSTER! HAMSTER! HAMSTER!&quot; and I had to share</p>&mdash; Fretty &quot;taken into account&quot; Boop (@i_miss_the_days) <a href="https://twitter.com/i_miss_the_days/status/1449525963272990725?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 17, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>3.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">*in target*<br><br>little girl in checkout line: I’m gonna see a cow today!<br><br>me: wooow that sounds so cool!<br><br>mom of girl: please ignore her she’s trying to say her grandma but she heard me call her a cow today and she won’t stop repeating it</p>&mdash; damien (@ayoobrennan) <a href="https://twitter.com/ayoobrennan/status/1091493551265980416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 2, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>4.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">5yo, wearing tutu and carrying broom: Dad, I’m a bitch!!!<br><br>Me: Woah. What?!?!<br><br>5yo: I’m a bitch! I’m part ballerina and part witch! Ballerina plus witch equals bitch!<br><br>Me: Hmmmm. What if we called you a witcherina?<br><br>5yo: No, bitch makes more sense.<br><br>Me: *sigh* Yeah. Um, look…</p>&mdash; EBS (@estockbridge) <a href="https://twitter.com/estockbridge/status/1449196786107785216?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 16, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>5.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.</p>&mdash; Elisa Stone Leahy TETHERED TO OTHER STARS (@ElisaStoneLeahy) <a href="https://twitter.com/ElisaStoneLeahy/status/1514357412735684608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 13, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>6.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Today my 7 year-old came into the room crying. I asked him what happened and he said that his 5 year-old brother put 80 cows in his house in Minecraft while he was offline and that it was &quot;entirely too many cows&quot; and honest to christ I have no idea how to parent any of this.</p>&mdash; 🍁Yukon Cornelius (@GrahamKritzer) <a href="https://twitter.com/GrahamKritzer/status/1536707163208523776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 14, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>7.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Thinking about having kids?<br>My son poured syrup in every floor vent. 13 years later it still smells like waffles every time the heat comes on.</p>&mdash; bipolar bear (@BipolarBearDick) <a href="https://twitter.com/BipolarBearDick/status/1409487622041444353?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 28, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>8.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My daughter just asked me how to spell squirrel. I found out that she was writing a book. Now she’s grounded for 12 years. <a href="https://t.co/6v43XyDIXR">pic.twitter.com/6v43XyDIXR</a></p>&mdash; Adam J. Tonge (@ajtonge40) <a href="https://twitter.com/ajtonge40/status/1514050509606428675?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 13, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>9.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sully got in trouble so i took the iPad away. I went to check on him and i—<br><br>I don’t have enough positive parenting experience for this so I’m leaving. <a href="https://t.co/emWqpVFIV7">pic.twitter.com/emWqpVFIV7</a></p>&mdash; definitely not brandy (@BtSquared2) <a href="https://twitter.com/BtSquared2/status/1480295185766567944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 9, 2022</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>10.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My husband and I decided we don&#39;t want to have children.<br><br>We will be telling them tonight.</p>&mdash; Natasha Huckfield (@dramadelinquent) <a href="https://twitter.com/dramadelinquent/status/1193970644909744128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 11, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>11.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Of all the terrible ways to be woken up I think, “mommy, my fart is on the floor,” takes the cake. 😳😂</p>&mdash; Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) <a href="https://twitter.com/sarabellab123/status/1192426844286541824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 7, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>12.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">*Loud crash from another room* <br><br>Toddler: NOTHING!!</p>&mdash; Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) <a href="https://twitter.com/mom_ontherocks/status/1194680840443305984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 13, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>13.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">[at my funeral]<br>MY KID: *leans into my coffin and whispers* can i play a game on your phone?</p>&mdash; mark (@TheCatWhisprer) <a href="https://twitter.com/TheCatWhisprer/status/1171612766265839617?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 11, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>14.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: *spends time picking out stuffed animals I think my daughter will love and get attached to* <br><br>My daughter: *sleeps with and carries around a lemon*</p>&mdash; Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) <a href="https://twitter.com/Jamberee13/status/1194625894360465408?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 13, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>15.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I accidentally flushed the toilet instead of letting my kid do it which in the toddler community is a crime punishable by death.</p>&mdash; WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) <a href="https://twitter.com/daddydoubts/status/1179781518186688513?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 3, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>16.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: What&#39;s the first rule of cooking?<br><br>4: Don&#39;t put your hands in your butt.<br><br>Me:<br><br>4:<br><br>Me: Correct.</p>&mdash; The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) <a href="https://twitter.com/saltymamas/status/1194731291389808640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 13, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>17.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">My 9-year-old daughter has taken an old lip balm tube and filled it with cheese so she can eat it in class. <a href="https://t.co/YEAqZx2wnr">pic.twitter.com/YEAqZx2wnr</a></p>&mdash; Valerie Schremp Hahn 📰 (@valeriehahn) <a href="https://twitter.com/valeriehahn/status/1174107762550300673?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 17, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>18.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.</p>&mdash; Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) <a href="https://twitter.com/Lhlodder/status/1158527808026677249?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 5, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>19.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: *annoyed that 3yo never wants to get in the bath and then never wants to get out of bath*<br><br>Also me: *procrastinates getting in the shower because comfy and lazy and then doesn’t want to get out of the shower because comfy and lazy*</p>&mdash; Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) <a href="https://twitter.com/SnarkyMommy78/status/1194717304703111168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 13, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>20.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: I try really hard to not lie to my kids<br><br>Also me: We can’t go to Disney world it’s locked</p>&mdash; Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) <a href="https://twitter.com/pro_worrier_/status/1184249463826763781?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 15, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>21.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: sorry we&#39;re late <br>teacher: it&#39;s ok<br>me: she didn&#39;t want to put on pants<br>teacher: where are her pants?<br>me: she won</p>&mdash; Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) <a href="https://twitter.com/BunAndLeggings/status/1187082872449986560?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 23, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>22.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I was reading to my kids today and in the story, there was a pregnant woman. <br><br>My 3 year-old asked, &quot;What happened to her belly?&quot;<br><br>I replied, &quot;There&#39;s a baby in there.&quot;<br><br>3 was horrified; &quot;She ate a baby?!&quot;<br><br>Sensing a good opportunity, I said &quot;Yes.&quot; <br><br>Sleep well tonight, kid.</p>&mdash; A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) <a href="https://twitter.com/HomeWithPeanut/status/1181297452864933888?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 7, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>23.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.</p>&mdash; Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) <a href="https://twitter.com/sarcasticmommy4/status/1194626625029070851?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 13, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>24.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">At 2 1/2 year well check for my toddler:<br>Pediatrician: Is she mimicking behavior? Like, pretending to make phone calls like you do?<br>Me: Like pretending to shave her lady parts in the shower with a toy razor?<br>Pediatrician: What!?<br>Me: What?</p>&mdash; Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) <a href="https://twitter.com/whinecheezits/status/1192498923476332545?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 7, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>25.</h2><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Non parents: This silence is nice <br><br>Parents: *hears nothing* where the fuck are the kids and what are they doing!??</p>&mdash; 🌙T͙a͙t͙t͙e͙d͙M͙o͙o͙n͙🌙 (@gracefulwraith) <a href="https://twitter.com/gracefulwraith/status/1192453583414808579?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 7, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

25 funny tweets from parents who want to go back to bed.

Raising kids can be beautiful and also deeply draining and demoralizing.Luckily, the internet is the ideal place to log on and make jokes, talk trash, and let off some steam after a long day of thankless parenting.Whether you&#39;re a new parent, you&#39;ve been in the trenches a long time, or you&#39;re just witnessing it all from afar, these funny tweets from exhausted parents might hit the spot.1.I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.&mdash; LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) June 7, 2022 2.I am very, very sick but a neighbor just rode his bike down the street screaming &quot;WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY MORE ANIMALS!!!&quot; while being chased by his 3 small children on their (decreasingly smaller) bikes who kept chanting &quot;HAMSTER! HAMSTER! HAMSTER!&quot; and I had to share&mdash; Fretty &quot;taken into account&quot; Boop (@i_miss_the_days) October 17, 2021 3.*in target*little girl in checkout line: I’m gonna see a cow today!me: wooow that sounds so cool!mom of girl: please ignore her she’s trying to say her grandma but she heard me call her a cow today and she won’t stop repeating it&mdash; damien (@ayoobrennan) February 2, 2019 4.5yo, wearing tutu and carrying broom: Dad, I’m a bitch!!!Me: Woah. What?!?!5yo: I’m a bitch! I’m part ballerina and part witch! Ballerina plus witch equals bitch!Me: Hmmmm. What if we called you a witcherina?5yo: No, bitch makes more sense.Me: *sigh* Yeah. Um, look…&mdash; EBS (@estockbridge) October 16, 2021 5.Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.&mdash; Elisa Stone Leahy TETHERED TO OTHER STARS (@ElisaStoneLeahy) April 13, 2022 6.Today my 7 year-old came into the room crying. I asked him what happened and he said that his 5 year-old brother put 80 cows in his house in Minecraft while he was offline and that it was &quot;entirely too many cows&quot; and honest to christ I have no idea how to parent any of this.&mdash; 🍁Yukon Cornelius (@GrahamKritzer) June 14, 2022 7.Thinking about having kids?My son poured syrup in every floor vent. 13 years later it still smells like waffles every time the heat comes on.&mdash; bipolar bear (@BipolarBearDick) June 28, 2021 8.My daughter just asked me how to spell squirrel. I found out that she was writing a book. Now she’s grounded for 12 years. pic.twitter.com/6v43XyDIXR&mdash; Adam J. Tonge (@ajtonge40) April 13, 2022 9.Sully got in trouble so i took the iPad away. I went to check on him and i—I don’t have enough positive parenting experience for this so I’m leaving. pic.twitter.com/emWqpVFIV7&mdash; definitely not brandy (@BtSquared2) January 9, 2022 10.My husband and I decided we don&#39;t want to have children.We will be telling them tonight.&mdash; Natasha Huckfield (@dramadelinquent) November 11, 2019 11.Of all the terrible ways to be woken up I think, “mommy, my fart is on the floor,” takes the cake. 😳😂&mdash; Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 7, 2019 12.*Loud crash from another room* Toddler: NOTHING!!&mdash; Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 13, 2019 13.[at my funeral]MY KID: *leans into my coffin and whispers* can i play a game on your phone?&mdash; mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 11, 2019 14.Me: *spends time picking out stuffed animals I think my daughter will love and get attached to* My daughter: *sleeps with and carries around a lemon*&mdash; Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 13, 2019 15.I accidentally flushed the toilet instead of letting my kid do it which in the toddler community is a crime punishable by death.&mdash; WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) October 3, 2019 16.Me: What&#39;s the first rule of cooking?4: Don&#39;t put your hands in your butt.Me:4:Me: Correct.&mdash; The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 13, 2019 17.My 9-year-old daughter has taken an old lip balm tube and filled it with cheese so she can eat it in class. pic.twitter.com/YEAqZx2wnr&mdash; Valerie Schremp Hahn 📰 (@valeriehahn) September 17, 2019 18.No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.&mdash; Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 5, 2019 19.Me: *annoyed that 3yo never wants to get in the bath and then never wants to get out of bath*Also me: *procrastinates getting in the shower because comfy and lazy and then doesn’t want to get out of the shower because comfy and lazy*&mdash; Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 13, 2019 20.Me: I try really hard to not lie to my kidsAlso me: We can’t go to Disney world it’s locked&mdash; Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 15, 2019 21.me: sorry we&#39;re late teacher: it&#39;s okme: she didn&#39;t want to put on pantsteacher: where are her pants?me: she won&mdash; Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 23, 2019 22.I was reading to my kids today and in the story, there was a pregnant woman. My 3 year-old asked, &quot;What happened to her belly?&quot;I replied, &quot;There&#39;s a baby in there.&quot;3 was horrified; &quot;She ate a baby?!&quot;Sensing a good opportunity, I said &quot;Yes.&quot; Sleep well tonight, kid.&mdash; A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 7, 2019 23.50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.&mdash; Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 13, 2019 24.At 2 1/2 year well check for my toddler:Pediatrician: Is she mimicking behavior? Like, pretending to make phone calls like you do?Me: Like pretending to shave her lady parts in the shower with a toy razor?Pediatrician: What!?Me: What?&mdash; Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) November 7, 2019 25.Non parents: This silence is nice Parents: *hears nothing* where the fuck are the kids and what are they doing!??&mdash; 🌙T͙a͙t͙t͙e͙d͙M͙o͙o͙n͙🌙 (@gracefulwraith) November 7, 2019 

Raising kids can be beautiful and also deeply draining and demoralizing.  Luckily, the internet is the ideal place to log on and make jokes, talk trash, and let off some steam after a long day of thankless parenting.  Whether you&#39;re a...