So, when a Reddit user asked parents everywhere, 'what is something you know about your child that they are unaware of?' people were ready to share the secrets their kids think they're successfully keeping from them. Sorry kid, but everyone knows that you were the one who broke grandma's antique flower vase at Thanksgiving 5 years ago.
When my son was 6 I started a twitter account to share some of the odd things he says. His quotes have entertained family, friends, coworkers and strangers, but he's almost 12 and still doesn't know. - ManyRan
Son, I know its you that keeps stealing my TV remote. Hiding it under the crib every time is not going to help you get away with this. Please stop chewing on the buttons, I have a hard enough time as it is trying to reach my walking dead recordings. The only reason I let you think your getting away with it is because you do not fully understand me yet or my appreciation of the walking dead. Love dad - [deleted]
My older daughter's middle name is James... I really like James as a female name, but it's also her middle name because it's how she was conceived (with the help of Jim Beam). I don't think I'll be telling her that part for quite a few years (or ever). - 42Kayla
When my daughter was almost 2.5 years old I finally decided to pluck a 5 inch long hair that was stemming from a mole on her back. It was the longest hair in her body at the time - adiapau
I knew when my daughter lost her v-card to her bf because she said something to one of her friends and I happened to overhear it. (not intentionally - I try to make sure that she has her space and privacy.) - PirateCodingMonkey
Why there is incense burning in his room. - SPacific
I have twins, and although we get asked nearly every week who is the 'older' twin by random strangers, my children believe they were born at the same time. - luvdisneyland
I knew when they started smoking pot. I was actually thankful for it because music went from ooo baby crap to Pink Floyd. - diegojones4
A few months ago, I borrowed his ipod to look something up when my computer wasn't working. I don't even remember what I was looking up, but I do know that it started with 'M', because Google showed recent searches starting with M when I did that. The first recent search was 'Miley Cyrus Porn.'
It's an interesting feeling, when you know your sweet little boy who made you a valentine card in second grade is looking for porn of Miley Cyrus. I deleted his history because his mother would kill him if she found out. - [deleted]
My daughter gave my mother a hair cut while she was taking a nap. My daughter was definitely old enough to know that she would get in trouble, but did it anyway. When my mom woke up and figured out what happened they had a long talk and agreed to keep it between them.
She told me though after making me promise not to chastise my daughter for it. I think she was worried I'd also wake up with a snazzy new hair cut. Since then we make jokes that hint toward it to see if my daughter picks up what we're putting down but she's oblivious to the fact we know apparently. - Emmdubbalicious
Pretty much everything. I'm a father of 3, all of whom are now over 18. There's nothing you can do that your parents haven't been through already. This means alcohol, cigarettes, pot and sex... we know the signs and we know you (don't forget we have known you all your lives). So when you wake up with a hangover and claim it's a stomach bug .. we know. - ElfBingley
Well she knows now, but about a year ago I found a note in my daughter's room that basically talked about how she had lost her virginity. I didn't say anything for a few months because I had already known (motherly instinct, I guess).
And I like her boyfriend. They're good together and my daughter is smart. I knew she was responsible about it. I didn't want to ruin what was probably a very important moment in her life by embarrassing her. - DaisyLayz
My 5 year old daughter loves dancing nude in front of a mirror and saying 'bootay bootay bootay, I'm doing the butt dance' while checking out her butt. - bexielady
My 12 year old daughter doesn't know that I know she started her period. I'm the dad so I figure it's probably embarrassing enough at that age figuring everything about your body out. No need to have dad make things even more awkward by acknowledging it. What would I say anyway? 'I'm so proud of you!'? She does a good job of hiding the 'evidence' in her bathroom and my wife is there to answer questions. - BLUFALCON78
I have a picture of my 2 yo son naked on roller skates. I'm saving it for something good. I'm thinking wedding montage maybe. - cowzroc
My daughter lies all the dang time about the messes she makes. Blames it on the dogs, on her teddy bear and even put her baby in time out because the baby made the mess. She's a damn liar. Worse liar for a two year old ever! - Weelooweeloo
They are horrible at lying. Mine aren't teens yet, but I hope when they are they both continue to suck at lying. It will make my world so much easier. - [deleted]