BF wears 'obviously stupid' T-shirt to meet GF's parents; 'that's just how I dress.'
A haples gentleman came to Reddit for advice when his girlfriend blindsighted him with criticism.
'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for wearing an Iron Maiden T-Shirt to my first meeting with my girlfriend's parents?'
u/Relevant_Rip_2674 writes:
I (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (23f) for a few months. Things have gone well; we get along well so far and I really care about her and hope things work out with us.
Anyway she recently invited me to come over and have dinner with her parents at their home. She still lives with them for now. We are getting more serious and they wanted to meet me. If it's relevant her parents are Indian immigrants to the US and I am white.
So, I thought it was a completely casual meeting and I wore an Iron Maiden T-shirt. I do happen to like the band but that's not even why I wore it; that's just how I dress and that shirt just happened to be clean that day. I went and met her parents and thought we'd had a good meeting.
However my girlfriend is NOT happy with me. She feels as if me dressing in a T-Shirt rather than a nicer button-up shirt was bad enough, but that wearing a shirt with skulls on it was--in her words--'just obnoxious.'
I honestly just dressed for the meeting the way I usually do and didn't even think about it. I think that if she had certain standards that she should have communicated them to me beforehand. But she thinks that what I did was 'obviously stupid and inappropriate' and that I should have known better. Is she right or is she being too critical?
Who's the jerk here? Is there a jerk here? Or is this all one big misunderstanding?
Reddit seems to think it was OP. They ruled a big ole YTA (you're the a-hole), with a few exceptions.
Nervous_Ticket_7395 thinks:
YTA Because you're an adult... meeting someone's parents generally isn't an overly casual thing unless they specify that their parents are casual as well. Surely you own a nicer shirt than an Iron Maiden tshirt, being an adult and all.
robot428 agrees:
This is the entire problem. He didn't think about it. Meeting the parents of someone who you are seriously dating IS SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT. I don't think it's just her. I think everyone would want the person they are dating to care about meeting their parents for the first time.
But Wuhjiko depends OP:
NTA (Not the a-hole). Some people are just more judgemental and many people have to dress extra due to the person simply not being good enough on their own. I get first impressions and all that, but you shouldn't have to show up in a tux to impress anyone.
I'd rather get to know the person personally over them pretending to wear something they rarely would 99% of the time to blow smoke up my ass. Trying to make people like you with fancy attire is such a backwards concept to even me.
Your personality will be the deciding factor, if an iron maiden t-shirt is the limit, I'd hardly call those people he was trying to impress actual adults. Such a stupid thing to get worked up over. I absolutely share your confusion.
freedraw points out:
OP seems to be trying to pass this off as a cultural difference. Her parents being Indian immigrants and the imagery of the band Iron Maiden have nothing to do with it though.
“Come over for dinner and meet my parents” means put in a modicum of effort. Put on a shirt with buttons and a collar. Grab a bouquet or bottle of wine. If OP were 18, this would be whatever but 28 is way too old not to understand such a basic cultural norm.
Consistent_Rent_3507 adds:
The kicker is “she should have communicated”. Already the gf is doing all the mental labor to manage her bf. An adult asks: Tell me about your parents. How can I make a good impression? How do you suggest I dress? Should I bring anything? I bet he went empty handed and it didn’t occur to him that it was rude.
My mother would say of OP that he was raised in a cave by wolves, which is our culture’s expression for having been taught no manners. OP, YTA. You need to take a hard look at an important gap in your ability to function in society and address it. Good manners, curiosity and situational awareness will pay dividends.
What do YOU think?
Did OP screw up big time, or make a silly faux pas that he can recover from?