So, when a Reddit user asked, 'What is the most ‘ground swallow me up’ embarrassing moment that’s ever happened to you?' people were ready to share the cringe-inducing story of the time they wished they could teleport directly away from the planet.
I used to wear glasses, hearing aids, braces, and had severe cystic acne. My doctor put me on Accutaine (for the acne) and it made my face insanely dry. One day a few weeks after starting the medication, my friend made me laugh hard in class -- it cracked the skin on my cheeks and my face bled in the shape of my smile like Heath Ledger's joker scar. I was an abomination. - C3lder
I used to wait tables. During a busy Sunday post-church lunch rush, I had to make a Sundae for a table in the very back corner of the restaurant. I get to the table and the entire party starts laughing. I'm standing there holding the sundae, super confused.
I look down and realize that I had somehow managed to get a large amount whipped cream directly over my crotch while preparing the sundae. It was nowhere else on me. Just my crotch. All I could do was put the sundae down, say 'oh my gosh' and speed walk back through the entire restaurant to clean myself up. - InstagramLincoln
Went to dealership and test-drove cars. Went to sign for car. Reached into pocket. Hand went through pocket to skin. 6” rip in my favorite jeans. Thought nobody had noticed butt cheek hanging out and felt relieved. Returned to dealership for oil change 3 mo later. Salesman: “I see you got new pants!” - daleene
I was in the elevator area of my former job and wearing a skirt that was a little too big for me. Luckily, I had one of those long sweaters on overtop because I was talking to the maintenence guy and the skirt just dropped to the floor like, 'AAAAND WERE DONE HERE' and the guy and I just stared at each other for a small eternity. - sinicuichi
I ran into an old co-worker at McDonald's, our tenures had overlapped by about a month and that was several years ago. He recognizes me and calls me over to his friends and tells them 'this is the nicest guy I have every met.' In the next three minutes I called him by the wrong name, and asked him how he liked a job he'd never worked at. It was pretty clear that I hardly remembered him.
I was so embarrassed that I got my McDonald's to go and ate it in my car. I'm midway through my burger when him and his friends walk up and get into the car directly facing mine. We made awkward eye contact while I had my food in my hand and then they drove off. Fml - jammin-john
I fell waist deep into a sinkhole full of mud and cowpoop. - Noob_DM
In middle school I used to have a bad habit of chewing on these pens that had sharp tips and came Im red, black and blue ink. Can’t remember the brand but they had a gray body and a see thru little window to see the ink left.
Anyway, what I didn’t know is that the tube/body was slightly pressurized, and one day during class I bit too hard on the pen, making it burst into my mouth. My teeth, tongue and lips were stained blue for days and everyone went around saying I gave a smurf head. - Xht5889
I was in high school and heavily involved in drama and acting. I was looking for things to audition for outside of school. My mother found an audition for a renaissance fair. She insisted Iaudition, as I was being super picky. I did not want to at all. I ended up agreeing.
Flash forward...she tells me auditions are in costume so she bought me a really cheap, sh*tty costume from an iparty-esque website. The audition was at a really waspy country club. so I show up in costume.
I immediately want to die. I enter the country club and I have no idea where the audition is. there’s a ton of people in there and they are staring at me and laughing like i’m a joke. I am literally almost in tears. Finally I ask a worker/server/i have no f*cking idea where the auditions are. He gives me directions that make no sense so i wander this place for what feels like forever until i find the room.
I enter, and the panel looks at me, repressing their laughter. I want to die at this point. They say i am “definitely looking the part/prepared for the audition.” I was given an audition form and told to fill it out. I asked for a pen.=
They couldn’t find one, So one guy takes this really expensive pen out and gives it to me TO BORROW. he says he needs it back, as it’s really expensive. I leave the room, panic/weep, and flee the country club with this guy’s super expensive pen. F*ck that sh*t - loveadumb
I've awful depth perception. And this one time my friend and I were waiting to cross the road and a bus was turning and for some reason I was convinced that it was gonna hit us. So I grabbed my friend to try and save her but ended up just cupping her boob.
While the bus didn't hit us and all the passengers just stared at this weird kid cupping this girl's boob. Who then started beating on me with her back pack once she got over the shock. I still think I saved her life though. - Tefw123
So I had a crush on a girl back in 10th grade. We pretty much flirted with eachother and she told me via MSN that she she would like a hug when she came back to school (she was sick for like 2 weeks straight).
So when the day came I hugged her. It was super akward. I hugged her for like a minute straight and she calmly asked if I would let go of her. That minute felt like an eternity and felt embarrassing as f*ck. After like 11 years it still makes me cringe when i think about it. - PowderedToastMan93
My birthday party, about 15 yrs old. Kid knocks on door, I answered. Kid's front tooth is GREEN like from rot, it was a temporary cap or something. I just stared at him and he said hi, I said 'tooth'. Pretty sure we both were humiliated. We did not retain friendship. - apocalypsism
When I was 16, I thought the car manufacturer Audi was pronounced “Awdy” instead of like “Owdy” (sounded an awful lot like outie to me) So I’m at this birthday party and this dude is like “Yeah me and my brother both have Audi’s.”
And this other guy is like “My mom has an Audi.” Y'all, I seriously thought they were talking about belly buttons. My a*s spoke up and said “I have an innie.” - bhsgrad2015
Ordered an Uber with my new boss on a business trip yesterday. Began making small talk with the driver to show her how great I am at talking to people. Driver was talking with his girlfriend on a headset... - IntrepidusX
My wife once heard a girl's accent and asked if she was Australian. She was deaf. - austinnormancore
When I was younger, I grew my hair out longer and didn’t really do anything with it. Because of this, and my name, I would get mistaken for a girl when people first meet me and/or at public spaces.
One time, my family and I went out to lunch when I was, say, maybe 8. We go to this local place, somewhere that we haven’t been before, though. At one point, I have to go use the bathroom. Ask my dad where it is, he points to it as we were pretty close, and I go wait outside of it (they were single-person bathroom).
About 30 seconds after, some big old guy (maybe 50s) comes up and stands behind me, to stand in line for the bathroom. A few seconds later, he taps me on the shoulder and says to me “this is the boys bathroom. The girls’ is over there.” My dad saw/heard him say this and told him that I was a guy. I wanted to die. - xTheAddy
That time I screamed at a woman over poo. My little village has a small annual dog show. We normally enter our little dog who has won 'friendliest dog,' 'waggiest tail' and 'dog the judge would like to take home' in the past. This year she was unfortunately in season so we didn't enter to prevent any 'fuss' from the other dogs but took her along to watch.
Half way across the park she decided to poo and I suddenly realized I'd forgotten a bag. There were loads of other people with dogs around due to the show so I wandered away a little to to ask someone for a bag.
I turned back and to my horror a lady was picking up my little dog's mess. Not wanting to feel like one of those a-holes that doesn't clean up, I ran towards her to advise here she didn't have to do that because I was going to get it.
Instead, in a sort of panic, I waved my arms and barked 'NO, THAT'S MY POO!' Please note that I did not say, 'that is MY DOG'S poo.' She physically jumped then turned a deep red.
She sort of mumbled an apology, dropped the poo and marched off with her dog. It was at that point that I looked to my left and saw my dog's poo sitting a few feet away from the lady's dog mess that she was attempting to pick up. I think about this at night sometimes. - Karl_Cross