So, when a Reddit user asked teachers everywhere, 'What was an in inappropriate comment or behavior you had to discipline a student for, yet you secretly thought was hilarious?' educators were ready to share their hilarious stories.
9th grade student did a report on Whaling. The rubric required images on every slide and, to get their points, students needed to explain their image. Thinking that I wouldn’t notice, he decided to use images of Sperm Whale penises.
A new photo on every slide of large pink whale dicks breaching the ocean waves from all angles. I asked him to explain his images. He said, “well, that’s where you get the sperm.” With a very straight face I asked him to come in at lunch.
With grave seriousness, I explained that, now that he had exposed 30+ kids to whale penises, we would need to let his parents know. So, he called his mom and, voice cracking he said, “mom….I put a whale penis on my slides,” and started to cry.
His mom talked to him about making good choices and how this might effect how others perceive him. But, later, when his mom chaperoned a field trip, we laughed and laughed. She made him tell his dad later that night and once they were alone, his parents laughed until they cried.
I shared the presentation with my boss and we thought it was so funny. How brave!! How stupid!! This is my most famous story in my group of friends and I love getting to tell it at gatherings. - esowmmm
One student crawled under desk and bit on another students toe. They are over 10 years old. - craftaliis
Kid printed 1000 copies of Danny Devito photoshopped into a chip and labeled 'Danny Dorito' and taped copies of it everyyyyyywhere - Riot55
Instructional mandate to cover the holocaust and kid who’s never really paying attention chimes in to say “IDK who Hitler is but she sounds like a Karen” - mymilkshake666
This was yesterday. Kid “A” was eating a blue lollipop in class (not allowed, but whatever). Kid “B” leans in and says, “Dude it looks like you sucked off a Smurf” - PossessionOk7286
I work with 5 year olds and yesterday we were having afternoon tea on the grass outside when a child told me another boy was eating grass. I look over and a boy had his biscuits with grass sandwiched in the middle, I put a swift end to his gourmet snack and had to turn my back to quietly lose it. - HannahP945
Year 3 teacher here (kids are 7/8 years old) and confiscated chicken nuggets from a kid's drawer one afternoon. - Important_Sprinkles9
My wife, a middle school teacher, once told a kid to walk over and flip off the light switch so the class could see the overhead projector easier. So...he walked over and gave the switch the bird. - Tactically_Fat
One of my preschoolers was looking through a book of different modes of transportation and there were some monster trucks on one page. I guess he thought he was saying the trucks looked cool when he exclaimed, 'These trucks are f*ckin'!' Somehow I managed to turn my urge to laugh into a serious teacher face - dadandmomjokes
Once had a kid with ADHD, regularly late, really late. One time he turned up and I said, John, you're late again it's nearly 11 o'clock. He replied, what's the problem, you're open all day!? - R0gu3tr4d3r
After telling kid he needs to buckle down and get work done...He point blank told me that if I just sit there on my a*s all day, he can sit on his a*s and not do work too. Ballsy move kid. It didn't pay off as I sent him downstairs but I still chuckle about it. - Deezypeezy
Male teacher here. Teaching sex Ed. Going over methods of protection. I was talking about condoms and this guy said, “Hey, Mr., you know that barcode at the base of every condom?” I said, “Don’t think I’ve ever noticed that.”
He replied, “Oh, I guess you ain’t gotta roll yours down that far, huh?”
I laughed probably harder than I should have. - G4m3c0cks
Elementary PE class was getting lined up to leave the gym. Biggest kid in my class bent over and of course, had half of his butt crack pop up the back of his pants. The smallest kid in class with his high pitched voice proceeded to yell, 'Release the Kraken!'
I was getting ready to get on him when the big kid started to lose his mind laughing. Once he started, the rest of the class and myself started. Big kid was an awesome young man and said he thought it was hilarious. - manofsteele3297
I teach preschool, 2.5/3yos. We have a student with a speech delay. He talks but it's not terribly clear. Except during an incident last week. A little girl was being mean to him. He said 'Sally is being a B**CH!' We paused. Coworker: Um...oh! A witch! You called her a witch, right? Like from Halloween?
Kid: No! She's a B*TCH. Not witch! Sally is a b*tch!
Very hard to correct him (and tell mom about it) with a straight face.
To be fair, he wasn't wrong. She was kind of being a b*tch to him at the time. - Simple_Foundation_29
Kindergartener shoved her hand into the spinach at the salad line in lunch, held it up and shouted, 'leafs is for sheep!' Before throwing it in the ground in disgust. I had to walk away while another teacher scolded her for wasting food because I couldn't keep a straight face. - sonomamayana
I teach 5th grade. I was having a conversation with my students about dogs and I brought up Shih Tzu's. Some of them new about the breed but others snickered so I showed a few pictures to prove they were real. We talked for a few about other dog breeds and the students shared stories about their own dogs.
As the conversation ended and we got back to work, a student raised his hand and said, 'Can I use the bathroom? I need to take a Shih Tzu.' I didn't even try to hide my laughing. - kkead1124
I teach kindergarten. One of my sweetest little girls, coming inside from recess, smiles and says “man, it’s f*cking cold outside!” I asked her to repeat herself, and sure enough, I heard her correctly. Hard not to laugh - Square-Set7031