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Man wonders why 'rude' stay-at-home wife won't 'serve' surprise Thanksgiving guests.

Man wonders why 'rude' stay-at-home wife won't 'serve' surprise Thanksgiving guests.


Honey, what's the big deal if I invite a bunch of people over and expect you to drop everything to cook, clean up after them, and walk around with a silver tray of snacks like a silent wedding waiter?

Every couple has their own way of making the household run smoothly, and if everyone is happy then of course there's no reason to judge. However, some conflicts (like inviting surprise guests to Thanksgiving and expecting your stay-at-home wife and mother of your children to be their 1950s housewife hostess) deserve a severe reality slap from a friend or an internet stranger.

So, when an incredibly confused and almost impressively delusional husband decided to confront the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his spontaneous house parties, people were eager to roast him to absolute bits.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for sternly telling my wife I get to invite whoever I want whenever I want to my house?

My wife is a stay-at-home-mom while I work full time. We have 2 kids that I help do 50% of their care while she handles cooking and cleaning and the other 50% of child care as well.

I'm sociable by nature and am fast at making friends wether at work or outside of it. The problem my wife has is that I invite friends and co workers (guests) over every few days to my house for dinner or lunch. Restaurants aren't an option now due to budget.

My wife said she has to cook for my guests though I never tell her to cook this or cook that nor ever complain about her choice of meals because it depends. The guests eat whatever she feels like cooking yet she complains that she has to cook for extra people which takes effort and time and also since I sit with the guests then she has to serve them by bringing coffee/preparing the table/etc since I told her I don't do these chores but I thought that since this is her area of responsibilities then where's the problem?

I invited few guests for Thanksgiving, 6 people and when she found out she lost it saying I should've consulted her first. I said there was no need because they'd just eat whatever she cook no problem but she said she wasn't going to agree to cook large portion and for 6 extra people aside from serving them and handling hosting that is too much for her.

I told her she was making a big deal out of it and should just stop freaking out over few extra plates and glasses and whatnot. She said she didn't agree but then I eventually had the guests over.

After they left, she started yelling at me saying she was not mine and my guests 'server' and that I should stop having them over that is when I told her very sternly that it's my house and I get to invite whoever I want whenever I please.

I called her 'unreasonable' to react like that instead of being welcoming to the people who wanted to spend time with us (unlike her family who cut us off completely). She shouted that she was done with being on my beck and call and having to be forced to take care of my guests in terms of serving and cooking just because it's her part.

She told me if I want to continue to have guests over then I'll have to step up and cook for them myself which I thought was quite rude and unfair of her. We went back and forth in this argument and she then stopped talking to me and started giving me the silent treatment making me feel like I'd committed some sin by having guests over.

Later, he edited the post to include:

I just wanted to explain that my wife's main issue isn't about cooking itself but having to cook extra for the guests which is understandable and I tried to compromise by suggesting we set time limits for when my guests' visit to avoid having to include them in dinners and whatnot, and also suggested we limit the frequency of those visits.

She stated she will still have an issue with it, and gave me the options of either handling the hosting myself or just to completely stop having them over or take them out to restaurants. But then restaurants consume money and she was the one who advised against going to restaurants.

Also, the reason I said it's 'my house'--I meant that it's my house too and not as if it's mine alone or hers alone. My wife has huge part in it, and she definitely gets a say in what goes on and what doesn't. We don't usually disagree except for this issue.

Yikes. Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this Thanksgiving drama. Here's what people had to say:

stalefuzzball85 said:

YTA (You're the As*hole). You’re not “just having guests” over. You’re having people over every couple nights?? I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to host and cook for double or triple the amount of adults every 3 or 4 days either. Especially since you’re not helping. Those are YOUR friends. Your wife doesn’t run a restaurant. Quit treating her like one

InsaneMisha77 said

YTA. And sexist to boot. Always consult with your SO in regards of inviting your friends or co workers over so she could PREPARE or not. She has to take on extra work by cooking for them even though you said she doesn't haven't's common courtesy.

If you want to invite, you have to take on extra to work around. You said you invite them every few days? WTAF? Every few days to make your wife work extra time on preparing the meals, grocery shopping, etc. Or take them to the restaurant within your budget. Thanksgiving is a HUGE task to tackle. Invite people without talking with your wife is like asking for a bat over your head.

littlebeanonwheels said:

YTA. She is your wife, not your servant. Either you cook for and clean up after your friends, or treat her with basic respect and speak with her prior to having people in your shared home.

Blue_Dreamed said:

Deffo got the YTA vibes here. If you are having people over, fine. But it is YOUR responsibility to cook, clean and work everything out as it is your friends, not hers. Why should she have to clean up after your mess, especially when she claims it was unannounced?

It's all about compromise when you decide to share your life with someone, so you absolutely should be talking this through with her beforehand. I think people calling for divorce are unreasonable but you need to get your act straight my dude.

Expensive_Fee696 said:

YTA All this could have been avoided if you had just talked to your wife and made plans together. She doesn't wat to do all the cooking and cleaning and serving alone so why don't you help her with that?

Those are your guests and you seem to think your wife is just there to serve them and you whenever you like. That is not how a marriage works. its a partnership so work with her instead of ordering her about.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this husband is 100%, completely, fully, and deep into his bones...the absolute worst. Surprising your wife with a group of friends even if she wasn't expected to cook for them, serve them, and clean up after them is rude.

Feeling entitled to having your wife be your personal chef and cater waiter for your spontaneous parties? Inviting random people to your family holiday where the main event is eating? This wife needs to run away ASAP. Good luck, everyone (except for this out-of-touch husband).

Sources: Reddit
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