16 tweets to get you through an apocalyptic Wednesday.
It's Wednesday, and if you're in Northeast America/Canada, boy, is it looking like California in the summer. To help push through hump day and the apocalypse for some, we found some funny tweets from this past week!
1)
hacker: I have all your passwords
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) June 5, 2023
me: omg thank you, what are they
2)
a media executive i worked for called me once in a panic at midnight because he saw a youtube clip of a manatee with eight million views and he wanted to know why our site's videos didn't have eight million views and i said we should pivot to manatees
— John DeVore (@JohnDeVore) June 7, 2023
3)
cop: is that a smirnoff ice in your car
— trash jones (@jzux) June 5, 2023
me: sure is, buddy. drink up
cop: (taking a knee) damnit
4)
Sometimes I just sit and admire the gray in my husband's beard, how distinguished it's becoming, and think 'I DID THAT'
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) June 7, 2023
5)
Saudi Arabia: Hey PGA golfers! We have a bunch of money to offer you for our new league.
— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) June 6, 2023
PGA Tour: You’re ruining the game and sportswashing your reputation of human rights abuses.
SA: OK but what if we offered *you* a lot of money?
PGA: Today, we’d like to announce a merger w
6)
men have such a blissfully uncomplicated relationship with sandwiches
— Karli Marulli (@karlimarulli) June 6, 2023
7)
truly can’t believe canada hotboxed us like this
— alex (@alex_abads) June 7, 2023
8)
the only happy couples I know are couples where the woman works a corporate job and the man stays at home and gardens im not joking
— Mariè (@p8stie) June 6, 2023
9)
Anyone who thinks AI can create satisfying entertainment should consider the experience of automated responses to customer service phone calls.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 6, 2023
10)
Eric Adams hiring 50k more cops to fight the air
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) June 6, 2023
11)
“no one remembers the weird thing you said at that party” actually the weird thing you said has become a sacred inside joke that bonded several people at that party together forever
— trash jones (@jzux) June 5, 2023
12)
me (sending slack message to client): should I do X or Y?
— lauren (@NotABigJerk) June 6, 2023
guy who makes a quarter of a million dollars a year: 👍
13)
Electric shock therapy couldn’t make gay ppl straight but they rly think having a rainbow poster that says “be you” at an elementary school is going to turn children gay
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) June 6, 2023
14)
Was at the bar today and a man came up to me and asked, “Can I ask you a question?” I said, without looking up from my game, “No.”
— Nah, for real, Im FJ (@FeministaJones) June 6, 2023
He was so taken aback by my answer. He asked, “Are you serious?” and I looked up and stared at him. He put his hands up and walked away.
15)
The 90s were a crazy time. You could make a movie about people looking at documents for 2 hours and 20 minutes and call it something like “The Pelican Brief” and it would be as big as a superhero movie is today
— Patrick Willems (@patrickhwillems) June 7, 2023
16)
Electric shock therapy couldn’t make gay ppl straight but they rly think having a rainbow poster that says “be you” at an elementary school is going to turn children gay
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) June 6, 2023