What happens, though, when the woman you're about to vow to spend the rest of your life with won't even let you wear a white wedding dress? So, when a frustrated cousin decided to vent to the gloriously petty and judgmental Reddit group, 'Wedding Shaming,' about her entitled and selfish cousin's wedding planning process, people were eager to help deem a verdict.
My cousin, let's call her Emily (23F) is getting married to her fiancée, let's call her Anna (23F) in the fall and it’s made my cousin an absolute monster.
So this past Christmas was the first time the family had been able to do a big holiday get together since 2019 and Emily showed up and announced she and Anna were getting married (which was quite a shock because no one knew she was dating anyone).
I was chatting with Anna and asked her a couple questions about the wedding and she seemed very disinterested and annoyed with anything about getting married. I assumed that she was just overwhelmed considering they weren’t public until they had announced their engagement that morning and they had probably been asked the same questions a hundred times.
So the night keeps going and Anna and I are outside having a smoke and she tells me she has no say in the wedding and she wants no part in planning it.
Fast Forward to this past weekend and Emily hosts a brunch for all the ladies in both families as a little get together and I found myself sitting at the table with Emily and the planning committee talking about Anna.
Apparently, almost immediately after the the ring was on her finger she took the reins on the wedding and didn’t let Anna have any say in any aspect. Emily and her mom already had a date set and things booked before the first week of the engagement had ended.
Anna’s mom was also in on some of this planning while Anna wasn’t aware planning had even begun. Anna’s mother said she never got the big wedding she dreamed of so she wanted to make this her opportunity to plan one.
Emily is very feminine and Anna is very butch so apparently she wouldn’t want a say according to Anna’s mother. Right before Thanksgiving they had invited Anna to be present to her own wedding planning and was (rightfully) not happy she had been excluded this long.
Apparently she wanted a summer wedding not a fall wedding, she wanted a more traditional wedding venue than a farm, and wanted a very small wedding (the guest list is over 275 last I heard). She doesn’t get a bridal shower because she’s not “really the bride,' according to her own mother.
What I found the most upsetting was she apparently wanted to wear a white dress but apparently that wouldn’t fit the aesthetic so she would have to wear a suit. I guess she just got up and left saying she will have nothing to do with the rest of this planning and to just send the suit to her home before the wedding.
I felt so bad for this girl and I was shocked that everyone at that table INCLUDING her fiancé and mother made her out to be the bad guy. They called her ungrateful, called her stubborn, and made fun of her style and clothes. The said they didn’t even bother telling her about this brunch because they didn’t think she’d want to be included. The whole thing just felt gross.
The idea that only the bride wants a say in planning a wedding has always felt so archaic and idiotic. I decided after that I won’t be attending Emily’s shower or any other events she will do outside the wedding itself. I’ve only met Anna a couple times but she seem was so sweet and genuine I hope everyone realizes how terrible they’ve treated her.
What on EARTH. “Not really the bride???” No white dress for her? Excluded from the girls’ parties? Feels weird to say this about a same-sex couple, but this seems…homophobic? Butchphobic? Something? Let the sweet butch lady wear a white dress ffs. Justice for the sweet butch lady. I hope she marries someone else.
Wow, talk about running a risk of someone not turning up to their own wedding. Support Anna and tell the rest of them to either make the day about both of them or Anna may decide not to turn up.
She’s marrying someone that has no regard for what she wants or feels. Her need to be “the bride” is greater than giving her fiancé what she actually wants and how she wants to represent herself.
It sounds like your cousin doesn't care who she's marrying, she just wants a wedding. Anna should just sent a mannequin to take her place on the day. Don't think your cousin would even notice!
As a butch woman who has a lot of opinions about the kind of wedding I’d want, I really feel for Anna (although I’d prefer to wear a suit by choice, I’d like to HAVE the choice.) Any couple should expect to make wedding decisions AS a couple. It’s really unfair to leave one partner out of the conversations just because of assumptions.
If Anna had said specifically that she didn’t want to be involved that would be one thing, but they shouldn’t just exclude her automatically. It always just to have people make assumptions about what you want just because of how you dress/present yourself.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this cousin is correct to be concerned for Anna, but the likelihood of this marriage working out is slim. Run away before you sign anything, Anna! There's someone out there who will let you wear whatever you want at your own wedding. Good luck, everyone (except for this 'Zilla).