So, when a conflicted friend decided to consult the delightfully petty and judgmental 'Wedding Shaming' Reddit group about a Bridezilla's recent tirade, people were eager to help deem a verdict.
So a friend of mine announced that she got engaged two months ago. After the initial rounds of congratulation, I ask her when the wedding is. She avoids the topic and when I pressed her, said that she's having doubts, that she's not sure about the marriage and to stop asking any questions because she feels conflicted.
She has said the same thing to all of us in the same friend group so we all tried to get her to talk about why she's having second thoughts. She clammed up completely and yelled at us to not ask her anything about the wedding and to give her some space. She has a habit of clamming up and not talking about her problems and has insisted we don't push her, so we let it be.
Around Halloween, we decide to check up on her and casually inquire about the wedding. She laughs and says she needs some time and that she will call when she's ready. It looked like she has worked through her issues, good for her.
Two days back, she called us to announce that her wedding is on the 5th and 6th of November. She also stated that there are three wedding events, all of which are taking place in another city and each event has their own dress code. She also states that we have to turn up one day in advance and plan a Bachelorette party for her and that we are terrible friends for not already offering to do so.
All of this was announced in a very entitled tone, very unlike her usual self. We were shocked, to say the least. When we expected a wedding invite, we certainly didn't expect it to be within a few days. We absolutely couldn't plan to attend her wedding in such short notice, let alone a Bachelorette party.
We tried to contact her, asking for an exact location of the venue, but she said we had to wait another day for the official e-invite. After we finally received the venue location, we start looking for places to stay and they are all fully booked. When we inform the bride, she says we can stay in her house but we'll have to share space with her cousins and extended family and the groom's family, none of whom we know.
We are also not comfortable staying with her family, who would be busy planning wedding stuff and we didn't want to put the additional strain of hosting us. When we tried to explain to the bride that this was too short notice, we wouldn't be able to make it, she blew up yelling that we were horrible friends who were ruining her day and no one wants to be there for her on the most important day of her life blah blah.
As far as I know, none of her friends are attending because she announced it too late to plan anything. Other friends are also annoyed that on top of the last minute invite, she's also insisting on a dress code color for each event, which means three separate outfits to be purchased last minute.
I'm pissed at her but didn't say anything because she sounded stressed. However, her lack of planning shouldn't mean that we needed to stretch ourselves thin. We have all politely declined her invitation and wished her well. She called me up to yell at me a while back.
She seemed especially mad at me because I'm the only other girl in the friend group and that it was my duty to convince the boys to attend and that as a girl, I should understand the pains of organizing a wedding.
I tried to explain to her that I understand but the issue still stands, we were not able to find a place to stay, some of us would not be able to get leaves at work, nor would we be able to organize a Bachelorette party in a city we know nothing about.
She cursed me a lot, said that no friends would ever turn up to my wedding blah blah. I was very tempted to yell back but I just kept saying I'm sorry you feel that way. Finally, she stated that if I don't turn up, we were done being friends. I replied that she should consider this the last conversation we have as friends and hung up. I'm still a bit in shock I suppose. She sounds so very different from the person I know.
Update : A mutual friend finally got through to her family after blowing up their phones. Her brother was the only one willing to talk to us. Apparently, the groom was leaving the country because of work, therefore both their families insisted that he gets married before he does. The bride was not comfortable with this, but has only shared these concerns with her brother.
Her family has apparently brainwashed her into getting married to him because 'what if he finds someone better after he has settled there'. Around Halloween (right after we called), she suddenly woke up and decided to be the willing bride and started asking about the arrangements etc.
Some of you guys were spot on. The family has arranged it all, invited all the relatives etc etc. So now suddenly, she wants her big dream Indian wedding. Her cousins seem to have planned a Bollywood style dance, so hopefully she gets to experience some of it.
Her brother is worried but has offered to whisk her away or be there for her in any way required. Her brother even apologized on her behalf for all the trouble. It looks like she has one solid person by her side. Hopefully, it all works out.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this wedding planning disaster. Here's what people had to say:
Yeah no. She doesn't get to play victim. You all did the right thing. Honestly it sounds like her relationship isn't stable.
Well, when the wedding is finished (if it actually goes through at all) then the bride will hopefully realize that she just lost all her friends. My petty self would say get together with some other friends who declined the invite and go out, but do something fun or relaxing. And post lots of pictures.
I won't go out for lunch on a week's notice, let alone several wedding events in another city.
You dodged a bullet. Let the friendship go and move on to normal people who know how to plan a wedding and that do not get mad at people for her lack or planning.
I get that stress can do weird things to people, but, WOW! I'm sure it's super hard, but try not to take this personally. There's something really wrong with her, this is not on you.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this friend isn't at all wrong to refuse to attend this last minute disaster, but someone should probably check in on the bride considering this sudden flip in her personality. Wedding planning can often turn normal people into demons crying over what 'off-white' versus 'cream' means, but this behavior is extreme. Good luck, everyone!