Santa's got his DNA test ready. (Via)
Christmas has come to Facebook, which means your feed is already overrun with annoying Christians losing their minds about having to say "Happy Holidays," annoying atheists reminding everyone that Christmas began as a pagan holiday, and about 10,000 photos of woefully misshapen gingerbread men. The posts gathered here celebrate just how joyously wrong a Facebook yuletide status can be.
Yay! Let's go have really depressing boners! (Via)
Ever hear of a puppy born of a virgin birth? Babies are better gifts! (Via)
These two will continue like this through New Year's. (Via)
A Facebook status came true. Christmas miracle! (Via)
Easy with the festive good tidings gang. (Via)
That regifted applesauce cake is going to be a huge disappointment when it's unwrapped.
This is why she spent all year doing her Kegels. For the kids.
That used to be called Myrh. Just awful.
Maybe you should focus more on the "secret" part of it.
You have to watch porn on your Dad's phone? This is why we need to keep the public libraries open on Christmas.
What about a handmade Coupon For Three Hugs And Two Years Of Indentured Servitude?
Someday this will be featured in the Museum of Modern Art.
Angels always say they love you, but then they just leave you with a Savior to feed.
To be fair, that was what science promised her generation the future would be like.
Santa is bringing someone remedial spelling books this year.
Touche. *cue atheist smartass following up with Yule information*
What about those of us that prefer breasts to the D?
Also federal laws mandating the closure of schools for the holiday break.
Yes. There's also a room in the Post Office full of letters for "A Stan"
I bet Jesus thanks Dad every day he didn't come to Earth in the digital era.
The best thing about online Amish jokes is you never have to worry about offending them.
All I want for Christmas is any form of real human contact please God.
Is that a lump of coal in your suit or are you just happy to see me?
Christmas is about family, and how you're never going to grow up and leave them.
He also promotes the use of coal over clean-burning natural gas.
Yes, it was all glittery.
For those of us stuck in the cold, a Mexican Christmas sounds pretty awesome right now.
The preferred term is Little Person or Temporarily Little Person for a child.
Just make sure to avoid the thin, tasteless ones made out of his flesh. He doesn't like those.
That's so disgusting that you would name your baby Peanut.
Dear Retailers, this will happen 100% of the time you give a fill-in-the-blank to the public.
The Red and Green Ring Of Death
Exactly, Gracie. Just a camera. That's all!
Aaand Christmas is canceled now. Thanks, Max.
Yes, come home to the Christmas spirit goodwill towards mankind in our Jew-free town.
Somewhere out there, Chris' mom is googling that very thing.
I'm dreaming of a red, swollen Christmas...
Don't know if a guy named "Teodor" should really be making proofreading comments.
Sarah is not the fastest page on the Internet.
2 friends-a-pokin', and a post that's been copied a million times